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okay. it's about to be come A Thing on the TL, so lemme get this out of the way: death by suicide is not about you, person who remains to mourn.
someone was in pain. they were suffering and only saw one way out. this couldn't be any less about you, okay?
do not call them a coward. remaining here in unspeakable pain does not make you brave, wise, or anything the fuck else. it means you made a choice to stay here and see if shit could get better. sometimes it never fucking does. please don't make this about bravery.
please don't make this about legacies and what people will think of you after you go on. that's NOT about the person's suffering.
i know reacting to a death -- especially death by suicide -- can involve all kinds of feelings and thoughts. nobody's saying you can't process. think about whether you need to externalize all your processing.
finally: if this news is triggering you in any way, please be kind to yourself. move offline if you need to. mute what you need to.
i can only hope ppl find peace in that last moment. ultimately, that seems to be what they seek. what they want most. there's nothing cowardly about that.
i hope they know they're loved. even if it doesn't mitigate the suffering in any way.
and yeah, we feel helpless. because it's out of our control that we don't have love powerful enough to keep someone on this side. i know. it's a horrible feeling, to think someone like kate spade didn't feel loved or appreciated or wanted enough. i know.
but that's ... that's the reality, y'all. some ppl don't ever feel it or feel it enough.
we're just as helpless when someone is ill and they pass on.
work though your feelings of helplessness and the sheer fucking horror of realizing your own mortality without putting it on ppl who are or have been suicidal challenge
this is so important: https://twitter.com/sparkymonster/status/1004039590506885120
i have known ppl who've died by suicide and not once did i think my love could save them. because my love isn't a match for their free will.
yo. if someone fucking trusts you enough to share that they are experiencing self harm or suicide ideation? PLEASE, for fuck's sake, ask them how they'd like you to hold space for that. please, please, please. i beg you.
i just ... i know we have to learn how to take care of people when they're in that headspace. i'm trying to tell y'all from experience as someone who's survived their own SI and observed others. please. please. PLEASE. try as best you can to center them and their needs.
ppl are surviving their own SI every day. sometimes it never lets up. don't you dare make that about you. please.
this is gonna go over however it goes over: being rich, famous, having tons of hegemonic power, or anything of the ilk is not going to protect anyone from SI.
depending on the situation, those things exacerbate it. your negative feedback loop will tell you that you don't "get to" feel bad or be scared. that your suffering doesn't mean shit because you have so much. IT'S A LIE. but the voice is so strong. it's indescribable tbh
imagine an ambient sound on loop getting so loud you can't silence it, while you're trying to just function on a basic goddamn level. do you understand what i'm saying here?
the volume isn't in your control all the time, either. sometimes it's just there and you can't do shit.
so... i'm saying this lovingly: save your treatises about nothing being worth the pain that death by suicide causes loved ones and families.
that person's quest for peace is worth it to them because THEY have to live with that droning. that weight.
that person's quest for peace is worth it to them because THEY have to live with that droning. that weight.
their loss isn't worth your pain, and i get that. i do. you can't talk anyone out of SI. you can probably help them ease it. help them cope with it. you, yourself cannot end that for them. love them through it.
an important question to ask yourself: do i want to help/ support this person, or do i want to make myself feel better?
sometimes it's both. pump your brakes and find out, okay?
sometimes it's both. pump your brakes and find out, okay?
