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Keep trying to do a tweet about my 3 weeks on adhd meds and how revelatory its been for many reasons but I've hit the plateau for my current dose and my ability to hold a thought without doubting myself has plummeted so I'm off to sulk in my bed instead.
okay, here goes...
i could give a million miles of context (read: i've had to bin a million miles of context). i will resist. but (now) 4 weeks on meds has been, to use a hackneyed phrase: life-changing.
i was diagnosed in feb at the age of 34. at that point, for combined reasons, i felt increasingly unsure if i was going to make it to 40.
i was too scared to take the meds for nearly 3 months (lol). when i finally did...i can get up and do things. i have some semblance of routine. my thoughts are clearer and i can articulate myself way better. i don't second guess my every waking move.
right now, i'm actually something resembling happy, without all the wild peaks and dips. i don't think i've done anything recklessly or impulsively for the last month. i don't cry at the slightest sniff of emotion. my social anxiety is about 20% of what it was.
i spent a full day writing last weekend. i can't remember the last time that happened. i haven't made it to reading for any extended period yet, but it's increasingly appealing.
i still don't have a filter on my brain for everything coming at it and all the questions i constantly ask of all of that. i never will. and i fucking love that, as exhausting as it is. so the meds aren't a total override for that.
my adhd consultant warned me a lot of people - with a new-found ability to cut through that static - get carried away, do too much and burn out. and i had a wee bit of that this week when i opened my mouth to speak on a work zoom and burst into tears.
it was absolutely nothing to do with work, i just hadn't really let my brain have a rest over the weekend. 24 hours of taking it easy and i was okay again. but i'll have to watch that.
i hate the "adhd is a superpower" schtick (another thread altogether) but absorbing everything (albeit with no way to tell if it'll be retained) is all i've ever known and i really do like it that way.
the meds just help the processing of that. but still quite clearly in a human body with human body limits. and i think adhd folk forget that constantly, medicated or not.
so (obviously) i could go on and on and on about this, but that is enough words for a saturday lunchtime on your twitter feed.
oh! but bears saying (again, another thread...or something more substantial that i'm toying with) that i'm unbelievably privileged to have access to meds, or to a diagnosis at all. i wasn't diagnosed on the nhs but i do access my medication on the nhs, which is free in scotland.
if i was struggling to cope despite my many levels of privilege, i'm sad & angry & in disbelief over the fact the majority can't access meds, and that a huge number (may also be a majority) of adhd folk are not diagnosed, or even aware they have the condition.
from my understanding, it's about 5% of the population. that's 1 in 20 people (maths fans!). that's a lot. and that will be several people you know. it doesn't go away. it might appear to change shape between childhood and adulthood. but it's a life-long condition.
and if i'm still learning about what it looks like (i admit i laughed at my sister when she first told me to look into the symptoms...was quickly brought down to earth) then what hope does everyone else have for recognising it?
anyway. i'm firmly in the "talk about it if you feel you can camp." so if anyone - mutual or random who finds this in 18 months - has any Qs...i'll do my best to answer.
