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Hi, I'm a GOP politician. I'm not from a city and I've only visited cities a few times for sporting events (and going to the Spaghetti Warehouse). I hate cities and here is my plan to make them how I would like them to be when I visit them once or twice a year:
In cities, people just "walk around" like they belong there.
In *my* ideal city, myself and my children (and my lovely wife) would be able to walk through majestic cityscapes without the scourge of "urban" disturbances. We just want to eat at Fogo de Chow and see bright lights.
In *my* ideal city, myself and my children (and my lovely wife) would be able to walk through majestic cityscapes without the scourge of "urban" disturbances. We just want to eat at Fogo de Chow and see bright lights.
No one does anything in cities!
Except drugs and stuff that the Lord says is bad.
Why should those people be on the same public transportation that I'm trying to use to go to the Vikings game?!
I come here at least twice every year, so they should cater to me!
Except drugs and stuff that the Lord says is bad.
Why should those people be on the same public transportation that I'm trying to use to go to the Vikings game?!
I come here at least twice every year, so they should cater to me!
Can you believe that people in cities don't have backyards where they can completely ignore all of the humanity occurring around them? Well, I went to the city the other day and there was a homeless man on the corner, and I was greatly disturbed by how hard it was to ignore him!
The people in cities don't always look like me! And even when they have the same skin color as me, they often wear weird clothes. How am I, a person who is never there unless the Wild are playing, supposed to respond to these people? Should I call the police?
Can you even believe how people in the cities live? I went to this place in the city, and all I wanted was a steak and a wedge salad. They had both of those things on the menu, but they also had *veggie* burgers? How do I explain that to my kids?
I don't understand why some of the people are walking in a different direction than Target Field. It's baseball season, and there's a baseball game tonight. Do these people have other things to do? Why aren't they going to the baseball stadium like I am?
I don't think it's fair that some people can't afford housing in the city, because it makes me confront the inequities in our systems once or twice a year when I go downtown for a game.
Now, let's wipe our consciences clean with a couple of $11 imperial pints!
Now, let's wipe our consciences clean with a couple of $11 imperial pints!
I'm not suggesting that coronavirus isn't real, but why the fuck did I come to the city if I can't share a $300 goddamn seafood tower with the partners of the law firm representing me in my case to bulldoze two blocks of homeless encampments in order to build a sweet high rise?
These goddamn people believe in helping each other?!?!?!
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!
Just went to a grocery store, and they asked me for my member number? Why would you try to track my grocery purchases? They told me it was ok, but I was left feeling pretty abused by the process.
What fucking business does a "co-op" have asking me if I'm a "member"?
What fucking business does a "co-op" have asking me if I'm a "member"?
