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A reminder...once again...
is that it should be LISTEN and not BELIEVE when people are talking about abuse/assault/etc.
Blind belief is as bad as blind dismissal. You start from a position of active listening belief. Someone says 'my car was stolen' you don't say ...
is that it should be LISTEN and not BELIEVE when people are talking about abuse/assault/etc.
Blind belief is as bad as blind dismissal. You start from a position of active listening belief. Someone says 'my car was stolen' you don't say ...
OH REALLY SHOW ME THE BILL OF SALE FOR YOUR CAR RIGHT NOW
I mean, you believe them. If they say Bob Jones stole my car, and you know Bob Jones, this may shift your feelings. Maybe you know Bob Jones has been stealing cars since he could reach the pedals.
I mean, you believe them. If they say Bob Jones stole my car, and you know Bob Jones, this may shift your feelings. Maybe you know Bob Jones has been stealing cars since he could reach the pedals.
Or maybe you know Bob Jones is a fucking saint who would NEVER!
Neither of those things indicate to us whether Bob Jones actually stole that car though. His character, if known to us, may bias us towards a conclusion.
But in actuality? We don't know.
Neither of those things indicate to us whether Bob Jones actually stole that car though. His character, if known to us, may bias us towards a conclusion.
But in actuality? We don't know.
Maybe Bob Jones, noted car thief for once didn't steal this car. And maybe St. Bobby Jones on that day, did. (To save a kitten or something).
But we should still *listen*.
But we should still *listen*.
And we can listen without judgment or being the jury.
Like a bit back, someone posted a bunch of shit about someone I really like on twitter. Claimed that they were a specific psych. diagnosis. Claimed this person was a horrific abuser.
They said a lot of things.
Like a bit back, someone posted a bunch of shit about someone I really like on twitter. Claimed that they were a specific psych. diagnosis. Claimed this person was a horrific abuser.
They said a lot of things.
And I listened.
BUT WHAT I HEARD was someone who clearly had a bad relationship with their boss. I noticed the ways in which they framed it...for attention. I noticed that all of their claims were non-specific but highly inflammatory/accusing.
BUT WHAT I HEARD was someone who clearly had a bad relationship with their boss. I noticed the ways in which they framed it...for attention. I noticed that all of their claims were non-specific but highly inflammatory/accusing.
And they deferred on being specific claiming fear of reprisal and additional bullying.
While bullying the person they were making claims against, and 'speaking out' because they noticed her gaining followers and 'just thought you should know and block'.
While bullying the person they were making claims against, and 'speaking out' because they noticed her gaining followers and 'just thought you should know and block'.
They demanded specific action by others, against this person they claimed had abused them...
while levying foggy claims, engaging in emotional abuse, demanding people take their side...I mean there was a lot there.
And much of this is ...more obvious to me because ...
while levying foggy claims, engaging in emotional abuse, demanding people take their side...I mean there was a lot there.
And much of this is ...more obvious to me because ...
I have a background in psychology. This is not my first rodeo. I'm a sex worker. And I'm a survivor. And I've studied some abuse dynamics extensively, as well as specific areas of abnormal psych. (much of which continues to become outdated, so I avail myself of current info)
None of which means I'm a DECIDER of any sorts.
These are just MY tools *I* use in MY listening.
We all have our tools.
These are just MY tools *I* use in MY listening.
We all have our tools.
And anyone can be fooled, of course. Some of the most dangerous people in our society are very cunning about wearing a mask to fool others.
That's also why listening is so important.
But so is common sense and not being part of a mob. And being wary that you're being used ...
That's also why listening is so important.
But so is common sense and not being part of a mob. And being wary that you're being used ...
by someone to victimize them because they're hurt, angry, have their own psychological issues, etc.
And most of the time when there's people who feel abused in a relationship, whether emotional, sexual, employed...
I mean not all the time, some people are fucking assholes duh.
And most of the time when there's people who feel abused in a relationship, whether emotional, sexual, employed...
I mean not all the time, some people are fucking assholes duh.
