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I remember when I would shrink myself & put up an appearance when I was in the midst of my family because I knew that the fact that I am lesbian made them uncomfortable. Seeing #Bobrisky at her dad’s birthday reminded me of that time & the damage homophobia does to LGBTQ people
When I saw the pictures, my heart sunk. That is the reality many people have to live with. We don’t want to lose ourselves and we don’t want to lose our families either. So many of us become a “more acceptable” version of ourselves just so our family members can be comfortable.
Sometimes I would have conversations with myself about what to wear so as not to look too lesbian-ish & embarrass my family. I would be cautious about the way walk so that it’s not so “gay”. I would even try to tone down my opinions on social issues so I appear acceptable.
I have been there. I know that feeling. Some might say “but it’s just for a short time”, but I swear, that short time is violence on your personhood. It messes with your psyche. It makes you question yourself, doubt yourself, dislike yourself, ashamed of yourself.
It is a terrible thing for a person to experience. Here’s why it’s a terrible thing - feeling like you don’t belong in a space that you expect love and full acceptance from is damaging to you and those around you. It negatively impacts your relationship with yourself & others.
I wish #Bobrisky didn’t have to go through that. I wish she didn’t need the love and acceptance of people who are violent towards her, including her family. Self-hatred is real and it is bad enough, but to smile through violence like it’s nothing? I bet she went home and cried.
I’ve worked hard to get to a level of self acceptance where I no longer shrink myself for anyone, not even family members. I come as I am, fully clothed in my 
. No shame. No apologies. I walk as I like. I talk about what I like. And when I’m done, I go home and eat Jollof.
. No shame. No apologies. I walk as I like. I talk about what I like. And when I’m done, I go home and eat Jollof.
It’s just really really sad that many of us are forced to choose between our family’s love and acceptance and being fully ourselves. No person should ever have to make that choice. This is why we need to fight homophobia with all we have in this country.
