Every year for #Pride I push myself to live more authentically. So, this year I am coming out as #polyamorous and sharing that Josh and I have been in a triad relationship for the past year and a half.

I realize that’s a lot (it was for my parents). Let’s walk thru this 👇
We are a non-hierarchical triad relationship, or a 3-person relationship w/ no ranking system of primary or secondary. Now, Josh and I do have more of a shared history, and we’re married. But in terms of seeing family + friends, making new decisions, etc., we’re all equal.
How will that work moving forwards?

To be honest, we’re not sure. We recognize this as a lifestyle choice and aren’t looking for any legal recognition. Many families have to deal with unique logistic and legal structures, and so for now we’ll continue to take life as it comes.
Why share this news publicly?

I’m one of those #ScienceTwitter people that heavily mixes personal life with science. And for some reason y’all are still here listening (thank you! 😅). I’d rather be open, honest, and share this part of my life than keep vaguely hiding it.
Also, this is the issue that hit me in situation described below. So, time for me to be more open and honest! https://twitter.com/KevinDKohl/status/1264578023975780353?s=20
Why go into so many details below?

If folks don’t care to know more, feel free to skip the thread 😅 When I share this news in person, it’s visible how many questions start popping up. Non-monogamy also attracts a lot of stigma, but it's something I’m comfortable talking about!
How did it happen?

Polyamory is something Josh + I discussed long ago. Literally hours of reading books about it together, discussing boundaries, logistics, and establishing deep trust. If I had to give advice on what makes this work, it would be lots of communication and trust
How did it happen? Polyamory is something Josh + I discussed long ago. Literally hours of reading books about it together, discussing boundaries, logistics, and establishing deep trust. If I had to give advice on what makes this work, it would be lots of communication and trust
How did it happen? Polyamory is something Josh + I discussed long ago. Literally hours of reading books about it together, discussing boundaries, logistics, and establishing deep trust. If I had to give advice on what makes this work, it would be lots of communication and trust
Another important concept is the idea that love is not a finite resource. I always make the analogy that when parents have a second child, they don’t love their first child less. The same goes for Josh's and my relationship.
Another important concept is the idea that love is not a finite resource. I always make the analogy that when parents have a second child, they don’t love their first child less. The same goes for Josh's and my relationship.
Another important concept is the idea that love is not a finite resource. I always make the analogy that when parents have a second child, they don’t love their first child less. The same goes for Josh's and my relationship.
A long-term triad relationship was something Josh and I agreed we were open to, but not going to actively seek out.

We randomly met Ben at a bar, kept hanging out, and here we are 1.5 years later!
A long-term triad relationship was something Josh and I agreed we were open to, but not going to actively seek out. We randomly met Ben at a bar, kept hanging out, and here we are 1.5 years later!
A long-term triad relationship was something Josh and I agreed we were open to, but not going to actively seek out. We randomly met Ben at a bar, kept hanging out, and here we are 1.5 years later!
A long-term triad relationship was something Josh and I agreed we were open to, but not going to actively seek out. We randomly met Ben at a bar, kept hanging out, and here we are 1.5 years later!
Josh and I always agreed that involving others in our relationship in any way should accentuate/benefit our relationship, not act as a distraction. And Ben does just that. He’s a high school art teacher and brings a lot of creativity and spontaneity, among many other attributes.
Josh and I always agreed that involving others in our relationship in any way should accentuate/benefit our relationship, not act as a distraction. And Ben does just that. He’s a high school art teacher and brings a lot of creativity and spontaneity, among many other attributes.
Josh and I always agreed that involving others in our relationship in any way should accentuate/benefit our relationship, not act as a distraction. And Ben does just that. He’s a high school art teacher and brings a lot of creativity and spontaneity, among many other attributes.
Due to finances + logistics, Josh and I decided that we won’t be pursuing children (something that had always been a goal of mine). With Ben, we have the dynamic and “full” house that I crave. And with our two goober pets 🐶🐱, we’ve created a little family of our own.
Due to finances + logistics, Josh and I decided that we won’t be pursuing children (something that had always been a goal of mine). With Ben, we have the dynamic and “full” house that I crave. And with our two goober pets , we’ve created a little family of our own.
Due to finances + logistics, Josh and I decided that we won’t be pursuing children (something that had always been a goal of mine). With Ben, we have the dynamic and “full” house that I crave. And with our two goober pets , we’ve created a little family of our own.
Due to finances + logistics, Josh and I decided that we won’t be pursuing children (something that had always been a goal of mine). With Ben, we have the dynamic and “full” house that I crave. And with our two goober pets , we’ve created a little family of our own.
Have you told your families?

Various stages of this. I told my parents and siblings in October. My parents recently met Ben in person for the first time (they’ve met virtually before). It’s been a learning process for all, but we’re getting there!
Do you fight?

We’ve all had and resolved a few pair-wise arguments. Having someone else present to act as a neutral mediator or sounding board can be helpful. Actually, Josh and I are having the stupidest lovers’ quarrel today, and Ben is playing the perfect Switzerland. 😂
Do you all sleep in the same bed?

Yes

With the cat and dog too? 🐶🐱

Yes, it’s surprising how crowded a King bed can feel. 😂
*Turning on my #SciComm voice* 🤓 – Interested in learning more? Check out the links below for discussions of several studies on non-monogamous relationships:

https://amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/jul/22/gay-dating-open-relationships-work-study
A survey of 4,000 US adults found that those in consensually non-monogamous relationships rated themselves as significantly happier and healthier than the general population. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/strictly-casual/201412/are-people-in-open-relationships-happier
Are People in Open Relationships Happier?

What consensually nonmonogamous partners have to say about their lifestyle.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/strictly-casual/201412/are-people-in-open-relationships-happier
Last, both the study above, and another study (below) found that people in non-monogamous relationships were just as satisfied with the relationship they had with their main partner as those in monogamous relationships. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/06/180628151713.htm
Open relationships just as satisfying as monogamous ones

Couples in non-monogamous relationships have the same level of relationship satisfaction, psychological well-being and sexual satisfaction as those in monogamous relationships, a new study has found.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/06/180628151713.htm
So, happy #PrideMonth !! Keep it queer, folks. 😘💁🏼‍♂️🏳️‍🌈
You can follow @KevinDKohl.
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