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I feel like the thing people ignore in cancel culture is that the *culture* is what needs to be canceled. In music, the patriarchal bullshit is so deeply engrained into the culture at literally every single level that outing 100 bad dudes doesn't solve the root of the problem.
I've worked within every level in this industry and women with people pleasing tendencies are exploited at every stage of the process. We're the ones who get hired, and we're the ones who are easiest to cast off and replace once we get burned out to a crisp.
The line between a man being charismatic and being manipulative is so razor thin that even the men doing the exploitation don't know they're doing it. The men who are the best at charming the fans, and manipulating the resources are the ones who succeed.
If you're charming, ambitious, talented, and handsome to boot, you have a toxic combination of traits that can easily slip into emotionally abusive territory before you're called out or told your behavior is not okay and that sucks for everyone.
If you're able to charm your way through life without being called out, you form habits. If you're an artist, you're usually not in the position to afford resources such as therapy that can help establish boundaries, and often times women suffer as a result.
Within music, women are often forced to act as the mediator, therapist, sounding board, and dole out attention and emotional labor for men who just really need professional help they cannot afford. Broken people make great art, and this overall toxic combo is exhausting.
When I've sounded alarms or concerns, I've been told my friendships are "unprofessional". Men are never told this. Ever. So you shut up about it because you internalize a fear that everyone is talking about you behind your back.
Constantly being undervalued and gaslit in this industry takes an unimaginable mental toll, one which I didn’t fully understand until I was laid off.
I have lived with so much rage inside my chest for the last years as I made excuses for the men and artists I cherished and worked for, that simply being recognized by my new employer, that I was doing good work, brought me to physical tears at my desk last week.
Women in this scene deserve parity, we deserve to make a living wage. We deserve to be valued for our talents and not gaslit into feeling lucky to have a seat at the table, and we need the men in power to do most of the work to right the wrongs they have fostered.
The scene needs to change from the top in order to create a safe space for those fans who deserve it. We need to create a professional culture that values women, and does not exploit emotional and creative labor.
Fuck the "lucky to be here" narrative, throw it in the bin!
Fuck the "lucky to be here" narrative, throw it in the bin!
If male coworkers at your job refuse to discuss their salary, there’s a reason for that. They feel guilty for how much more they make than you and don’t want you to know that they aren’t willing to go to bat for you to be paid fairly. They're quiet because they know it's wrong.
If men at your workplace are forcing you to be the female face of the label, magazine, or crew, when the shit hits the fan, that’s NOT okay. It is not our job to make men feel better for being bad men, it’s their job to do the work and our job to hold them fucking accountable.
Enough is enough.
Men, do better.
Women, stop confusing the exploitation of emotional labor as "charisma".
Men, do better.
Women, stop confusing the exploitation of emotional labor as "charisma".
