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Fellow white #ActuallyAutistic folks! Black folks have and will continue to say us white folks need to "read the room" around conversations about race.
"But my brain doesn't do that!" Neither does mine! Here's what I do instead that gives similar results:
"But my brain doesn't do that!" Neither does mine! Here's what I do instead that gives similar results:
Reading the room appears to be assessing the conversation and your addition.
1. Who is in the conversation?
2. What are they talking about?
3. Was I invited?
4. Does what I have to say contribute meaningfully to the conversation?
That last one is kind of the most important.
1. Who is in the conversation?
2. What are they talking about?
3. Was I invited?
4. Does what I have to say contribute meaningfully to the conversation?
That last one is kind of the most important.
This is what I've gathered from watching Black folks complain about white folks butting into (3) conversations about race (2) among Black folks (1) and centering themselves (4). I'm just pointing out it's the same as "reading the room" for those of us who missed that memo.
When I go to comment in a discussion where the first three aren't looking great for me, there's a lot of weight on 4. If the answer to that is "no," I delete the comment. Entirely. And walk away.
It's not a great feeling the first few times you do that. "Ah shit I did it again." But I recognize the fuck up, don't shame myself for the instinct, and I learn to do better in the end. I *think* I'm now recognizing it more before I write out the whole comment. It's a process.
So seriously, when Black folks say, "shut up and listen," you do it because they have already told us what we need to know about how not to fuck up those social interactions. Repeatedly.
This thread inspired by a white person who responded to a Black woman's post about reading the room by only saying some neurodivergent people can't 
Also, this can be applied to other kinds of serious/semi-serious discussions! It's just that we're running into it a lot in respect to conversations around race.
Additional context is also part of reading the room. I'm much worse at this than the other things, obviously.
Is this about a specific incident or a general thing?
Has what you have to say been addressed already? https://twitter.com/MarnaNightingal/status/1278743678161469446
Is this about a specific incident or a general thing?
Has what you have to say been addressed already? https://twitter.com/MarnaNightingal/status/1278743678161469446
I don't have a super easy answer for this. Try to look for additional context. Ask someone you know isn't put out by it if they know. Always be willing to be wrong, accept the mistake, and move on. (This is just generally a good personality trait.)
