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I’m sorry that this isn’t a tweet about football, games or something else equally inoffensive, but I felt like it was important to talk about this. I wanted to make a little thread about mental health. This isn't directed just at blokes either, it's at all of us... (cont)
I’ll be incredibly honest. Yesterday I struggled. I probably had an anxiety attack. I don’t know if I did technically, but it certainly felt like what I can imagine one is. Burning across my chest, my throat felt tingly and I felt utterly exhausted. It was overwhelming.
It didn’t last long, but it was shite. Truly and utterly shite, and if I’m being honest it felt kind of out of nowhere. I thought it was at first - maybe an overreaction to a bad experience we had when we tried to go out for food. People felt too close during a pandemic etc.
And this is the bit that I kinda realised last night. It wasn’t just that one moment. It was the culmination of weeks of creeping doubts, insecurities and fears all coming to a head in one horrible, flustered mess. ‘The straw that broke the camel’s back’
After a fair bit of time of trying to ‘handle it’ while chatting to my partner, we finally cracked it. Suddenly we found ourselves talking about a tiny billion little seemingly unimportant things that had been hid away, but bothered us. It felt cathartic if i'm being honest.
We discussed everything that we’d been concerned about, and honestly, it felt so incredibly relieving just to simply acknowledge all the tiny little things that had been eating away at us. It felt like it quite literally lifted some of that anxiety ‘off my chest’. It was surreal
Now I know the idea that loads of little things together can weigh a person down isn’t a particularly new one, but I do hand on heart believe we don’t acknowledge or talk about the little concerns anywhere as much as we should do. Especially given the current climate.
We *still* have that terrible habit of ignoring them, or dismissing them internally when people ask what’s wrong. We all do it. I guarantee you do. Here’s an example. If I asked you right now ‘how are you feeling?’ - what would pop into your mind? And what would you respond with?
I guarantee when hearing that question 99% of us will instinctively think about 2 or 3 tiny problems before our auto response kicks in and we respond with ‘yeah I’m fine mate - you okay?’ - we all still do this. It’s very human, but we've got to acknowledge those little things.
Those little things simply wouldn’t pop into our head if they weren’t meaningful in some way would they? I think we have a tendency to presume that because they’re seemingly trivial to us, they’re not worthy of other’s time. Or we should just ‘get a grip’ and crack on. Nonsense.
Of *course* there are times when we need to put on a brave face and crack on, but it can’t always be a one-sided battle in favour of stoicism. It’s just not healthy. Every now and then you just have to stop, take a breath and find time to address the little things bugging you.
Now I don’t know if this accurate, but the best analogy I can think of is a video game one. Imagine a bar filling up. Every little concern is a % hit point. If it fills up to 100%, bad shit can happen - something like what happened to me yesterday, could happen to you as well.
A tiny work worry could fill that bar up by 4%. Maybe boredom fills it up 3%. Seeing your parents, not being able to hug them. Naff - add 15%. You accidentally end up being too close to someone during a pandemic if you're like, that adds a huge 20%. It fills up and up and up.
And all of a sudden that video game bar is creeping up to 100%, and then something tiny or seemingly insignificant can happen. A tiny 2% of nothing. A gig is cancelled you were excited for. The kind of tiny thing that skips past your mind when someone asks ‘are you okay mate?’.
Boom. You’re at 100% where I was yesterday. All of a sudden I’ve gone from someone who has been a confident and in control person throughout my life, to someone feeling overwhelmed in a way they never have before. And it’s just a horrible feeling. Chest tight. Light-headed.
And literally anything can cause fill up that meter, no matter how insignificant. Ten little 5% things very quickly become 50% of that bar. They all stack on top of each other & it becomes increasingly precarious. And usually there's only one result. It all comes tumbling down.
And this is why we really do need to talk about those little things and talk to each other more. Now more than ever. We just *have* to take time to listen to each other. We have to be honest with how we feel. It’s a weird, unprecedented time and none of us know how to handle it.
Please, just talk to someone if you don’t feel right. Don’t be ashamed, don’t feel like a burden. You’re not. You’re human. It’s natural. There’s only so much we can cram into the back of our minds and try to ignore before our subconscious gets tired and demands attention.
Some of the people we think are the strongest in the world will go through similar things. It isn’t weakness, it doesn’t make you less of a parent, less of a man, less of a partner or a friend. It’s what makes you just like the rest of the billions of other people on the planet
You may even feel like you’re being weak to address your concerns. Bullshit. You probably don’t realise just how strong you're actually being by confronting some of these issues. Remember, it takes an exceptional amount of bravery to bear your soul to a friend or family member.
Yesterday I said to my fiance that I felt like a burden. I kinda know now that that’s nonsense, but in that moment, I felt that way. I felt like I was letting her down by not being my usual affable, confident & playful self. Of course that’s just not fair on myself at all.
But I still felt that way anyway. I’m going to guess there are millions of us out there trying to make sense of life at the moment or trying to cope with not feeling like themselves. I’ve not felt like 100% of what I deem to by myself since this all started. But that’s okay.
It's okay to not feel perfect. Just please try & remember that and do find time to talk about the little things. You could be surprised by how much of a difference it makes just to acknowledge them out loud. Sometimes all we need to do is stop & pay attention to our own concerns
Now, I’m not for one second suggesting that this is a solution. Life isn’t that simple, of course, but try it anyway. Talk to someone. Every now and then try and find a time to be honest with yourself. We’re in a pandemic. It’s a weird, confusing time wracked with uncertainty.
I’m not an expert, or a therapist. I’m just some bloke sat in a tiny flat trying to make sense of this pretty shite hand we’ve all been dealt with, but please do take time for yourself, and do try and find time to be there for others too. I can’t stress how important that is.
Talk to a friend, talk to a family member, or even talk to yourself. Write down your concerns in a diary, or acknowledge them. You don’t have to fix them, because that’s not always possible there & then, but sometimes all we want as people is to feel heard. It’s important.
This was pretty hard to write, but I’m glad I did. I think we’d all be surprised by how many people are currently feeling in a similar way. But I promise you, you’ll feel better again. It just takes a little persistence and a little honesty.
Go and talk to a mate or someone, anyone. It could be the best thing you ever did x
