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I have a very unique perspective on #ABA because I've never had it and my mom had no idea I was #autistic. Yet, my mom had the exact same version of autism as me.
So, here's a little thread about my experiences:
So, here's a little thread about my experiences:
Because my mom knew nothing about the milestones I wasn't hitting, she didn't worry about them. She didn't notice that I didn't always respond to my name. She was the same way. So, she adapted and found ways to get my attention until I did.
Eventually, I did. But in my own time.
Eventually, I did. But in my own time.
My mom also didn't know where I should be cognitively. So, she showed me words and math at 2 years old. She didn't brag that I was able to do math young while still not answering to my name. To her, that's just how I was and that was good enough for her.
When I got older and struggled in school, she didn't label me a problem child. She assumed I wasn't getting everything I needed and worked with me until we found what worked. I ended up graduating from night school. But I graduated and it was good for me.
When I was selectively mute, she assumed I was shy and didn't force me.
When I was entirely nonverbal, she gave me time and used her empathy to figure out what I needed.
My mom had no idea I needed extra support. Or maybe she did...
When I was entirely nonverbal, she gave me time and used her empathy to figure out what I needed.
My mom had no idea I needed extra support. Or maybe she did...
When I was young, someone suggested I had ADHD (which I do), but she refused to get me diagnosed for fear that they'd put me through tons of treatments she didn't agree with.
When she was young, she was stigmatized and didn't want that for me.
When she was young, she was stigmatized and didn't want that for me.
My mom was ignorant of all these things that the "experts" say and, somehow, that was better for me.
I never felt inadequate or stigmatized. I was allowed to come to all things in my own time. And, the things I struggled with, she knew what to do because it was the same for her.
I never felt inadequate or stigmatized. I was allowed to come to all things in my own time. And, the things I struggled with, she knew what to do because it was the same for her.
Because of all this, I was able to integrate myself into the world around me as an autistic - not mask as a neurotypical.
I'm resourceful and creative about my deficiencies.
Sure, society gave me it's own version of ABA and I became insecure and self-defeating for a time.
I'm resourceful and creative about my deficiencies.
Sure, society gave me it's own version of ABA and I became insecure and self-defeating for a time.
But I was always able to leverage my moms unconditional acceptance when I was at my lowest. My upbringing saved me from suicide. It saved me from abuse.
ABA is the opposite. It takes that acceptance away and drives a wedge between the child and the parent.
ABA is the opposite. It takes that acceptance away and drives a wedge between the child and the parent.
It teaches the parent and child alike that the child is inadequate. The parent often gets subtle messages that they themselves are unadequate as well.
I know we can't all have moms like mine. But I hope I've illustrated my point.
I know we can't all have moms like mine. But I hope I've illustrated my point.
ABA is a problem because it interferes with a parent's natural instinct for their child. Psychologically, this feels like abandonment to the child as he/she/they are turned over to a stranger who "knows best."
It instills arbitrary ideas about success that stigmatize the child.
It instills arbitrary ideas about success that stigmatize the child.
So, the point here is:
You're much better off trusting yourself to understand your own kid than turning them over to an "expert" who doesn't know what autism feels like.
If you do need additional support, occupational therapy is a much more informed and compassionate solution.
You're much better off trusting yourself to understand your own kid than turning them over to an "expert" who doesn't know what autism feels like.
If you do need additional support, occupational therapy is a much more informed and compassionate solution.
I wasn't expecting so many people to be interested in this. I'm so glad I shared! If you'd like to hear more from my mom herself, I did a podcast with her. https://anchor.fm/autisticbodybuilding/episodes/Mothers-Day-Special-edsco8
