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The weird thing about failure. There's an assumption that "once you get tenure/success/fame/seniority" you will able to shed your insecurities/imposter syndrome/other ways in which your internal description of yourself is different from what you present as #AcademicChatter 1/
A devilish paradox is what presents that from happening. We are constantly told to look within for validation and reinforcement, because external validation is fickle and beyond our control. But the truth is that our internal judges are lot harsher than external ones. 2/
And they are much more able to dismiss any evidence of good work and promote a narrative in which we are failing. Indeed, the more senior one gets, the better one's internal judge gets at doing this. 3/
Which is why the thing that always gives me comfort is the idea of "flow" or "process" - call it the "Gita" perspective if you will - that the joy (brief, and in spurts) comes in deep immersion in a topic, and letting your self dissolve into the material you're studying. 4/
I've consistently found that when I can achieve a level of equanimity about my work, it is then. Not necessarily at the point of discovery, but when I see beauty (in others' work especially). And it's that feeling of transcendence that help soothe the pain of failure. 5.
