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YOUR PROPOSAL IS NOT A WAHY(Revelation) - Admonition to the brothers.
While a man has a four- slot privilege, a Muslim woman has only one slot to fill. A man may decide to marry a young virgin as the first wife, a scholarly muslimah as the second, a rich muslimah as the third,
While a man has a four- slot privilege, a Muslim woman has only one slot to fill. A man may decide to marry a young virgin as the first wife, a scholarly muslimah as the second, a rich muslimah as the third,
and a foreign muslimah as the fourth wife, or as the case may be.
But a muslim woman has only one golden chance to make a choice, she can't dream or even imagine having four husbands at a time with various qualities,
But a muslim woman has only one golden chance to make a choice, she can't dream or even imagine having four husbands at a time with various qualities,
hence she needs to find a man who has so many good qualities all combined in her only slot as a full package. Women are advised to lower their expectations, but it doesn't mean they shouldn't have expectations at all.
Unfortunately, we don't seem to reason with out sisters, we accuse them of either being too selective or being materialistic, simply because she turned down a number of proposals. Do we expect her to marry someone who is far away from her preferred choices?
If we men can't even take our eyes off young teens, to the extent that we hunt for them as soon as they enter secondary school, just to catch them young, why do we criticize our sisters if they also go far and wide to get their preferred qualities in men?
In simpler terms, oh brothers, you may marry a black woman today as your first wife, because you know that you still have more chances to marry a fair woman someday, you may marry a poor woman today because you know you can still Marry another woman from a royal family tomorrow,
you may marry a slim sister today because you know you can still marry a chubby sister someday, but our sisters do not have such chances once they marry, until a divorce or death happens to their husband, and none of them prays for such.
So let's stop criticizing their efforts to settle down only with such men who meets their taste or at least half of their tastes. There is no 'management' in marriage.
When Abu Salamah radiAllahu anhu died, Umm Salamah out of so much love for him said:
مَنْ خَيْرٌ مِنْ أَبِي سَلَمَةَ
(who can ever be better than Any Salamah?).
She made that statement at a time when there were thousands men of Eeman&Taqwa existing on the surface of the earth.
مَنْ خَيْرٌ مِنْ أَبِي سَلَمَةَ
(who can ever be better than Any Salamah?).
She made that statement at a time when there were thousands men of Eeman&Taqwa existing on the surface of the earth.
After her Iddah, a whole Abubakar Siddiq radiAllahu anhu, proposed to her but she REFUSED, a whole As-Siddiq of this Ummah was turned down by a POOR woman who was NOT a virgin, rather she was a WIDOW with three solid children.
She rejected Abubakar despite his well known Piety and wealth.
Afterwards, the Prophet salallahu alayhu wassalam himself sent Haatib ibn Abi Bat'ah to propose to her on his behalf. She didn't accept the proposal instantly, rather she sent 3 conditions to a whole Prophet of Allah:
أَخْبِرْ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم أَنِّي امْرَأَةٌ غَيْرَى وَأَنِّي امْرَأَةٌ مُصْبِيَةٌ وَلَيْسَ أَحَدٌ مِنْ أَوْلِيَائِي شَاهِد
(Tell the prophet, that I am a very jealous woman, and I have kids to cater for, and none of my guardians are around)
(Tell the prophet, that I am a very jealous woman, and I have kids to cater for, and none of my guardians are around)
In our society today, we would expect widows or divorcees to quickly accept our proposals without delay, since we are some kind of messiah sent to them right? That's bad.
Well, the Prophet replied:
'I will ask Allah to remove her extreme jealousy, and I will cater for her kids, and none of her waliys either present or absent would have rejected my offer among them).
'I will ask Allah to remove her extreme jealousy, and I will cater for her kids, and none of her waliys either present or absent would have rejected my offer among them).
It was only after the Prophet responded to her conditions that she 'accepted' his proposal and they got married.
Also, the prophet once proposed to UmmuHani bint Abu Taalib (The sister of Ali). This was a widow with six solid children and they were both cousins, yet UmmuHani 'rejected' his proposal.
Yet the Prophet praised her afterwards.
(Silsilatus Saheehah 2523).
Yet the Prophet praised her afterwards.
(Silsilatus Saheehah 2523).
So dear suitors, the fact that you are a scholar or the Imam of your Masjid, doesn't mean any sister you propose to, must accept you. The fact that you are handsome and rich doesn't mean a poor sister from a wretched home must jump up to accept your proposal.
Abu Talha was rejected by Ummu Sulaym, despite his cuteness and wealth, until he embraced Islam. Bareerah was separated from Mugeeth despite his tears and show of romance, Jameelah was separated from Thaabit despite his Deen and Ahlaaq.
So who do you think you are?
So who do you think you are?
So either get married in peace, or accept your rejection in peace. Bye bye.
- Abu banat.
- Abu banat.
