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I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately, given the fact that in my current relationship my mental health hasn’t really struggled at all.
Can we talk about those men who make us mentally ill, and “crazy” and then blame us for it? The “joke” about the “psycho ex?”
Can we talk about those men who make us mentally ill, and “crazy” and then blame us for it? The “joke” about the “psycho ex?”
It’s one of those things..Yes, of course there are women who are controlling, manipulative and abusive, just like men. But here I want to focus on that classic “laid back guy” who treats a woman like shit, neglects her emotionally, and then creates a monster that he blames for
The failure of the relationship. This was my last relationship in its entirety. I came out of therapy in May last year as a whole new badass bitch, ready to take the world on and not take any more shit. I then thought I found a fun, friendly guy on my level to complement that.
As someone who has struggled with codependency and trust thanks to classic daddy issues, toxic exes and being an empath, starting to date a man 10 years older than me who seemed to politically and philosophically meet me on the same page, I thought I’d be set.
Of course that’s when it started. The gaps of time without replies and no reasoning, followed by the anger if I got upset about it. Gaslit into feeling like it was *me* who cared too much, not him who cared too little.
Then there were the mistruths. Constant grey areas, stories about friends/exes that didn’t match. My memory in the department of “things people have told me” rarely fails, but I was told it was my obsession with the past that became a problem, to deflect from the poor memory
Of the lies that had been told. Then, there were the mind games. Constantly talking about hot actresses or exes, intimate stories I didn’t want to know when I didn’t ask to hear them. When I asked for tact I of course was met with “I shouldnt have to censor myself”
It all built, and built, and built. Individually, the issues did all sound petty. I’m switched on and I know when my gut tells me something is up, and yet I still had this lingering feeling that no, of course I wouldn’t fall for this kind of nonsense at this point in my life
So naturally I blamed myself. Maybe it *was* me. Maybe I *did* worry about the past too much, maybe I *was* too concerned with why he was able to find time to post on Facebook, but not reply to me for hours because he was *too busy* at work. Of course, it was me right?
I was too needy. Then the blame would come, the negging, the constant focus on why I needed to relax and stop being so anxious, how my anxiety was ruining our relationship, how now the man who I thought was fun and loving was actually
This happy bouncy free spirit and I was this weight in his life that he would get angry at. Shout at. Swear at. Mock. Bully. Storm away from. Ignore for hours, or get drunk instead of talking to. It didn’t matter about my feelings, my needs, *I* was the problem. A “little girl”
Who needer to “find herself and what she wanted” because he was so very well adjusted and settled in life (40, still pining over barely legal girls and raves of his youth, desperate to get a career in a field flying way ahead of his ability and level of patience)
The projection of issues was relentless. I was beaten down to the point of self harm, at one point. This is something until now I’ve only told one other person. But it happened. He once shouted at me so much and refused to communicate that I locked myself in a bathroom
And slashed my leg up. I’m not proud of it, especially now I’m stuck with scars that remind me of one of the worst periods of my life where I felt completely helpless and unloved.
These kinds of emotionally immature and narcissistic men can turn the most loving women into
These kinds of emotionally immature and narcissistic men can turn the most loving women into
A shell. Begging for attention and replies, paranoid about every woman in their life when in normality they would never feel threatened by the same sex.
Changed into a monster craving any drop of attention; revelling in the idea that the man could change because he
Changed into a monster craving any drop of attention; revelling in the idea that the man could change because he
*did show a drop of tenderness that one time*
It is an age old tale. I know myself; I know who I am and I am not threatened by others; I’m not scared of people with a past: I don’t *need* validation from men I get me through the day but my GOD did that man make me feel like I did
It is an age old tale. I know myself; I know who I am and I am not threatened by others; I’m not scared of people with a past: I don’t *need* validation from men I get me through the day but my GOD did that man make me feel like I did
But that’s what they want right? The power, the mind games, planting that seed of doubt to keep us on our toes. Keep us trying to make ourselves perfect for them while they cackle to themselves about how little effort they need to make to feel desired and “needed.”
I swore to myself I’d never allow a man to treat me with such disrespect again. Never go near a man who cannot communicate, accept blame, be open and honest in *every* area, the good bad and the ugly. An open book with a cover that reflects the inside.
I do believe I’ve found that now, but I want other women to know that behaviour that *makes you feel crazy* might just be that; behaviour that makes you crazy. Not you actually *being* crazy.
