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McDonald’s universe characters as dudes you find on tinder: a thread
Chicken McNugget Buddies- the frat guy who only has group pics and looks like every one of his frat bros
Iam Hungry- the dude whose bio just says “I eat ass”
Apple Pie Trees- dude holding a fish in every picture
Aunt Millie & Tillie- dude who has to specify that every pic with a woman is “just a cousin”
Fry Kids- incredibly into raves, not sure why they bother using tinder when they live at electric forest
Hamburger Patch- none of his pics are of him, or any human for that matter
Headless Egg McMuffin Man- dude has one picture and it’s of his chest and his bio says he needs to be private due to his career
Mac Tonight- is just on tinder to find a new weed dealer
Mayor McCheese- is posing like Pete Buttigieg in every picture and owns more vests than the nearest L.L. Bean
Officer Big Mac- either a cop or a dude who inexplicably supports cops
Sundae- the guy who only has pictures from senior prom on his profile even though he’s been out of high school for seven years
The Talking Trash Cans- Republicans
Bernice- the film buff who says he wants to “debate” pop culture with you
CosMc- dude who has more pictures of his shoe collection than he does his face
The Captain- every picture he’s either on a boat or wearing sperry’s or both
Happy Meal Gang- a couple looking for a third
