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Further to the tweets earlier about ghosting & why ND people often do this, can we talk about Nice Bullying?
Iâm sure thereâs a proper fancy word for it but Nice Bullying is when someone thinks theyâre being kind & helping you but youâre so demand-avoidant that you feel bullied
Iâm sure thereâs a proper fancy word for it but Nice Bullying is when someone thinks theyâre being kind & helping you but youâre so demand-avoidant that you feel bullied
This happens to me a lot especially in the gaming world. I want to make friends there but I fear the demands that will be made by the ppl being nice to me. They want me to do things a certain way, change my playing style to something more efficient, etc etc etc. Theyâre helping!
But although I do sometimes want help I donât want to feel pushed into doing things. Iâm extraordinarily resistant to this, and I will ghost you completely if you cross a (nonspecific, unfortunately changeable) line with me.
Thereâs one WoW alt I havenât played in weeks and weeks because Iâm too afraid to get on her and be Nice Bullied again. I will probably end up deleting her completely.
And itâs really hard to discuss the issues here because people want to be kind! They genuinely think theyâre helping! And if you say you feel pushed or bullied they will be upset and defensive and that just makes everything worse!!!!
Hence why I ghost instead of confronting them. I have learned that as much as people donât want to be confronted when theyâre being actively nasty, they want to be confronted EVEN FUCKING LESS when they think theyâre being kind to you
Add to this the fact that I am admittedly very bad at expressing and maintaining boundaries with people who are ostensibly being nice to me ...
I will basically let you steamroller over me because thatâs how I spent years surviving my environment... belatedly realize I Donât Like This, and just ... nope out of there
And yes, it would be great if I could set boundaries BEFORE Iâm feeling steamrollered, but you have to understand I donât really know how to do that because boundaries werenât allowed to be a thing in my family, and I still havenât been able to go to proper longterm therapy
Ghosting is the only way I know how to enforce boundaries without getting into a painful confrontation that will most likely end with me agreeing to let you continue steamrollering me
