Thread by @EveyJacob, I think executive dysfunction gets mislabeled as being irresponsible, lazy, or stupid [...]

I think executive dysfunction gets mislabeled as being irresponsible, lazy, or stupid a lot of the time, and I get why someone who doesn't have it can be confused, so here's a little guide:

First off, please know that I AM constantly forcing myself to do things--comments like...

..."You just have to power through!" hurt because you're ignoring the fact that I've powered through EVERYTHING today and I'm TIRED now--if you aren't forcing yourself to do LITERALLY EVERYTHING, if your brain will just...do stuff...then you have no idea.

In fact, an argument could be made that someone like me has significantly MORE willpower than someone who's not literally fighting their own brain every minute of every day.

But I digress. I'm not here to argue and I don't think looking for superiority helps anyone.

So, before we even get into it, just remember that we DO "power through" stuff--but we're also human and, just like you would were you fighting battles all day, we run out of steam after a while.

It's not inherent badness, it's human nature.

Second, understand that executive dysfunction does not only apply to things you DON'T like.

Here are some things I struggle to get myself to do, especially on bad days:

-go to the bathroom
-get the food I'm starving for out of the microwave
-get myself a drink when I'm parched

Sometimes there will be a piece of CAKE I really want and my brain can't get my body to get up and get it for HOURS.

Next, understand that usually, the thing DOES get done. And DEFINITELY if it's important.

There's just a lot of struggle around getting it done.

Why? Because "executive function" refers to the various cognitive processes that allow us to control and regulate OTHER cognitive processes.

So when that first system is malfunctioning, the whole thing falls apart.

This is like if corporate sends out emails to their branches...

...with important instructions, but the emails aren't arriving. Or they arrive on an incredible delay. You know how sometimes you get an important text, like, five hours later?

Our brains are kinda doing that.

Our internal communications are kinda busted.

And our conscious mind is like the manager of one of those branches, who KNOWS corporate sent out an important email, and KNOWS they have to get their employees to act on it....

...But no one got the email and we can't get them to do the task until they do!!

So now you're just STRESSED. The thing needs to get done and we're not doing it!! Ahhh!!

Or even "the thing is fun and I want to do it but I'm not doing it!! And it'll be bedtime soon!! AHHH!!"

It's so stressful you just want to cry, but you can't most of the time.

So THEN, if it's really important, you start activating Emergency Protocols to FORCE action. It's usually not the best, it's usually not perfect, but it can get the job done in a pinch.

But....emergency protocols are tiring. They're not meant for daily use. But we use them daily

A weird flipside of this, btw, is that when you CAN do a task you can't NOT do the task.

"Why are you vacuuming the whole house at 11:30pm?"

Because I CAN RIGHT NOW AND I CAN'T STOP.

And also because if I DON'T who KNOWS when I'll have the ability to easily do so again.

This is kinda like "sleep when the baby sleeps"--you can't really predict when the baby is gonna sleep, but you CAN take advantage of those precious moments.

So "act when the brain is working!!!" becomes an important part of Getting Shit Done because it's RARE.

And one of the reasons I personally feel called to talk about this stuff is that I'm NOT seen as lazy, irresponsible, stupid, selfish, etc.

I'm generally seen as responsible and capable and hard-working.

So admitting that I STRUGGLE WITH THIS. EVERY DAY. might help.

I literally do not know what it's like to have an task to do and just...be able to do it without that being an Exciting Rarity that I must Cherish.

All. Of. My. Tasks. Are. Hard.

Waking up in the morning. Going to bed at night. Having fun. TALKING TO A FRIEND. ALL OF IT.

And I say this not for pity or to make excuses--I don't make excuses, I get shit done, and I HATE pity so you can keep that--I say this to help people understand that this is not about laziness or inherent goodness. It's literally about brain functionality.

I've been lazy, btw--I know what that is. If I'm having a lazy day, I'm DECIDING not to do a thing I could very well do. "Eh, I'll fold laundry tomorrow, I wanna watch Iron Man right now."

Hell I love being lazy sometimes; feels damn good on the right occasion.

Lazy is not EVIL, nor is REST, it's just that you need to know how to distinguish "lazy" from "dysfunction"

Oh and I promise you we hate our executive dysfunction a million times more than you ever could

And we're doing everything in our power for you to not notice it

We hate it. It's embarrassing and uncomfortable and if we could switch this off we soooo would because having an 'excuse to be lazy' is not nearly as appealing as 'being able to do the stuff I have to without immense struggle'

Anyway. There's A LOT to say on the subject and I can't say it all here, nor can I speak for everyone else. I just know how hard I work for this to NOT cause others any inconvenience and how much I beat myself up if it does, even to the tiniest degree.

As always--be kind. Don't assume ill will from someone you know is good. Learn more about it and find creative/alternative solutions that might work better for a neurodivergent brain.

We're trying very hard but we are bound to slip up in this world that was not built for us.

Latest Threads Unrolled: