Thread by @mclemcrew2_0, Why I was the worst grad student an advisor could've possibly wanted [...]

Why I was the worst grad student an advisor could've possibly wanted when I went to the U and why I'm a much better student (and person) today and am working to be an even better one tomorrow (a thread):

I thought academia was supposed to give me all the tools necessary to become a successful professor, and it did just that. What I didn't realize, however, was how an individual went about acquiring these skills and assets in academia.

I believed that if I just completed the required coursework, read a lot, and wrote some papers I would be successful, and let me tell you...I was so so so WRONG.

One of the most difficult realizations for me was that I genuinely expected people to care about the research I wanted to conduct and receive help without specifically asking for it.

Here's a useful tip: people can't help you if they don't know you're struggling. If you can't articulate what you need, people don't have to take time out of their lives to help you figure that out. That's on you to figure that out, alone.

These preconceived ideas and notions about what grad school should have been caused me to loathe the experience I was having, even though my advisor was a saint and my lab consisted of the most genuine and loving people on this planet.

Simply put, I was a brat who expected too much of the system and, in turn, was sad for no reason at all besides the mental state I had put myself in. I was incredibly unhappy with myself during this ordeal, I selflessly blamed the system rather than the real issue: my attitude.

When I was fortunate enough to be awarded an NSF GRFP, I transferred to UVA, thinking I would have more support for the research I wanted to conduct and would feel more welcomed in that community. And let me tell you what a grave mistake I made.

There are many reasons I detested UVA, but feeling alone and distant from the people who sat next to me every day was the main reason.

COVID hit and I managed to finish my MS at a school I couldn't care less about, in a subject that was foreign to me.

After taking some time away from academia, here's what I've learned and why I believe I'm a better student today than I was two years ago:

I'm still an awful academic, but I now better understand what the process is all about.

Each of us has to constantly redefine what our research means to our community and ourselves.

You have to be your biggest cheerleader in this endeavor.

Your advisor, labmates, department, etc are all there to support you...but you ALONE have to care more than anyone else about your work.

You also have to be willing to be wrong ALL of the time.

You'll never learn anything if you are constantly stating facts. Form opinions, theories, beliefs, and challenge them with the ones who support you. The intellectual challenges are NOT personal jabs; rather, they are provided to help you form holistic and more cohesive theories.

So what does all this mean???

I'm finishing up my applications to schools and for the first time, I'm not freaking out about where I get in or where I'll be in five years because I'm sure it'll change regardless of what I plan.

I'm becoming comfortable with being wrong all the time and have become much better at articulating when I need help and specifically in what rather than saying, "I just feel so lost."

So here's to the third rounds of grad school applications...here's to challenging myself to be a better academic and a better person every day. Here's to admitting that I was the cause of all my problems and moving on with this knowledge to start again.

Anyway, enough about me...get out there and make it a fantastic day!

And don't forget to smile every once in a while :)

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