Read on Twitter
So here I am, on twitter, trying to find like minds.
I'm a WOMAN in my 30's who for a very long time identified as non-binary
Why did I identify as non-binary? Because for some fucking reason despite a grounding in the first and second wave in feminism I got swept up in the narritives of the third wave
I never identified with my biological sex. Not because I am trans, but because I was raised to be a self-hating woman
Not only was I raised this way, I also had a deformity that made me not feel like a "proper" woman (tuberous breast deformity). I also have PCOS, leading to further medical alienation from my sex
I'm also bisexual (with a preference for woman) and very "masculine" in character and occasionally in aesthetic
I have been beaten up for being a "dyke", I've been deliberately called a man because I don't fit the narrow stereotype of woman. I've been yelled at, hit, and abused for not being "female enough"
On top of all of this, I am a survivor of rape. Maybe one day I'll discuss this more, but suffice to say all of these things left me vulnerable to the trans rhetoric
I even got to a point where I wished I was just a man, to make my life easier. Despite that, I never, ever, wanted to be a man. But I didn't feel like a woman either. So, non-binary
I even envied people who had managed to have a phalloplasty and yet retain a vagina.
I got so caught up in this stuff that I became, like many, intolerant of any criticism of transgender ideas whatsoever. Even valid criticisms.
I'm not sure what changed, or how, but something did. Now I recognise I am a woman. Maybe it's hard to connect with that, but that's not because I'm "non-binary trans"
It's because the idea of womanhood is so fucking restrictive that women like me are invisible
I know no other women like me. Who understand my pains, or have experienced my difficulties, and I've felt too scared to go against the cultural zeitgeist to seek them out
But here I am, looking for people who understand. WOMEN who understand. Sex matters. (more on that later but for now, that's me)
