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In honour of the season: a roast of the Colleges of the University of Cambridge, as evidenced by their Christmas decor. A thread.
Christ's College: they hide all the best bits, namely, the secret swimming pool which is all anybody cares about. also they shoved the tree in a foyer off the Hall.
Churchill College: Historically horrendous gender ratios, historically notable clueless men. I waited 15 minutes for this guy to move but instead he just stood there and stared at me.
Clare College: very pretty, not much depth. the most instagrammable college.
Clare Hall: wants to be Clare College but can't quite pull off the influencer vibe.
Corpus Christi: I went to photograph the tree but got distracted by the clock, as usual, and forgot about the rest of the college. Sorry.
Darwin College: Nobody *chooses* Darwin, it's just survival of the admissions pool.
Downing: A treasure trove of law students. Described to me as "the w*therspoons of colleges".
Emmanuel: The most academically intense college. Just, very.... intense... in general, really.
Fitzwilliam: "getting in is the hard part"
Girton: is so far from town centre that it is literally its own village. The only college I did not visit, because... well, obviously.
Gonville and Caius: the wealthiest boat club and everybody associated with it absolutely will not shut up about it.
Homerton: Most colleges are 'college first, conference centre second'. Homerton likes to be unique. Not actually that far from town centre, but cut off by the train tracks.
Hughes Hall: Mature students only. Very adult, very sensible, very.... well.
Jesus: I walked around the entire college twice and couldn't find the entrance. Make of that what you will.
King's College: usually mistaken by outsiders as extremely traditional, because it looks like this, but actually very left-wing. Yes they might have a spectacularly aristocratic hall, but the tree is on top of the High Table and there's a communist flag in the bar downstairs.
Lucy Cavendish: The queer college. That's not a roast, that's sort of just a fact.
Magdalene: the last to admit women and apparently the last to decorate. I have visited five different years and have never seen a tree. Or a woman.
Murray Edwards: I believe the phrase is "love it or hate it". Very non-conforming but they are consistent.
Newnham: very beautiful, very tidy, very neat. v e r y neat. fines students for being messy, which is an entire mood.
Pembroke: if Midsomer Murders was a college.
Queens': tradition on the outside, modern party on the inside (yes I know there is another hall, the photo of the old hall corrupted, sorry).
Robinson: I surveyed maybe ten different people before anyone finally mentioned Robinson, and then they described it as "a 1970's hotel". Bless their hearts.
Selwyn: Prudes. do not pass go, do not pass the velvet rope, do not pass first base.
Sidney Sussex: flooded their quad for a Venetian themed ball and as far as I'm concerned, they do not ever need to do anything again, they have won eternal bragging rights.
St Catharine's: very tight-knit, very sociable, but also very tight-knit and very sociable. what is privacy?
St Edmund's: everybody hates them and not a single person could tell me why.
St John's: very wealthy, very snobby. This is the only college where the porters refused to turn the tree on for me (or even let me turn it on) and I'm still bitter about it.
Trinity College: very big, very wealthy, very ostentatious. has A Brand.
Trinity Hall. I asked to see Christmas decorations and they pointed me to the wreath in the chapel. Three different people asked if I meant to be looking for Trinity College instead.
Wolfson: and I quote, "Well, let me show you the official tree... okay and here's the REAL tree".
BONUS: Ridley is a theological college, not a constituent college, but still a very nice tree. I'll count it.
Fin! All photos mine (taken between 2012-2019), all stereotypes reported by Cam students and should be taken tongue-in-cheek and with a gallon of salt. Oxford is here: https://twitter.com/oldenoughtosay/status/1330201517161377802?s=20
