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I wake up early in the morning and spend the first couple hrs of my day reading and sometimes writing. My kitty Feona always crawls up beside me and snuggles in. She has no concern for how I look or feel. She just loves me in that moment.
This morning I realized how this picture parallels my inner life. My core self, the part that is in control of me, is like Feona. Its the part that can go back and connect with the past parts of me that still live in moments of trauma and bring love and attention where needed.
The present Marie isn't trapped by emotions created during times of crisis like our past parts in our mind are. Learning to separate our reactivity from reality is so important. It is the healthy way to do life.
Just as Feona crawls up on my lap and snuggles in without fear our core self can go back and connect with those wounded parts of our past because it has all the current positive information as to how life is actually playing out and not how it went wrong way back when.
This is all Internal Family Systems stuff that I am learning. Its life changing. I'm beginning to see how I have lived reactively my entire adult life. These past trauma survivors that are parts of me in my mind have been screaming out for help for so long.
Having been immersed in the church world for 20 years did nothing to activate healing for me in these areas. If anything it exacerbated many of these parts because of the Christian propensity to bury negative emotions. "Victory in Jesus" after all.
The Christian prayer warrior is woefully inadequate to activate healing in trauma survivors. Yet they think that they bring them the cure for their pain.
As long as the conservative church continues to distrust psychology, science, and therapy it will continue to be agents of oppression and harm.
Watching my kitty Feona snuggle into my shoulder reminds me that I need to be very gentle and kind to those wounded parts of me. That I need to reach out to them and bring them love and affection. The very thing they never received as an infant, child, young adult.
Afterall, my entire childhood can be summed up by the word constant trauma. Truly.Â
In many ways my life is a miracle. I'm greatful for what I am learning now and hope that as I learn and heal I can be a vessel of love and healing to others
In many ways my life is a miracle. I'm greatful for what I am learning now and hope that as I learn and heal I can be a vessel of love and healing to others
