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In 1997/1998 both my parents - who lived separately- died and I never 'went home' for Christmas again. I was 20. I keep thinking I've got some good advice to share about different shaped Christmasses or lonely Christmasses or unexpected Christmasses, but.
Mostly I find not expecting anything, but feeling thankful for everything, helps me. It takes practice though. And. It's ok to feel disappointed and frustrated and overwhelmed or anything. I always ask myself what have I got power over & deal with that/ try to accept the other.
And I love Christmas. I love creating small moments. Sound. Touch. Taste. Even when I've not had much. if they're just for me. It's a good time to write a letter telling someone how important they are to you. And to yourself, as a reminder.
I also think the pressure people feel to create a perfect Christmas shows that the way we structure our home/ leisure/ work life the rest of the year in this country is off. There should be more time.
I'm sorry the government has made late, painful changes. But there are plenty of people who don't have big family Christmasses or close people, and as someone who's plans haven't changed under new rules for that reason, I want to say I do see you and I hope others will now too.
I don't mean suck it up and feel lucky. I don't. People are in pain. We hang so much onto tradition and nostagia and little sashes of familiarity to trim our life with. I just want to say you can flourish without that. You can put up new hooks and hang colours from them.
Or build a narrow yet sturdy maize, right through.
In usual times it's easy to go looking for places you can't or don't belong to not be alone at Christmas, and life. But. You are whole. Even if you feel a) or b) or c) is what is needed to be so. Sending love, kindness, care and new strength to you this Christmas. And.
Don't feel bad or weak or somehow less to be online so much this Christmas. Guess what. Connection is connection. Don't feel guilty about that on top of everything else. Show your outfit and your food and the decoration your son made 20 years ago from an egg box, and your tree 
If that's what you need. Or quiet. There is no one way to be person.
I dont mean be grateful though. Being thankful means you have space to activate change. Being grateful means putting up and shutting up. Don't do that. Make things happen.
And it's important to allow yourself proper space to cry and feel sorrow when you need to. Rushing through sorrow, fast forwarding to Happy Face, helps nobody. I used to not cry as I thought that meant I was strong. Strong isn't not feeling, nor hiding feelings.
Ostentatious or visible strength is a massively overrated virtue anyway. We're obsessed with it. Not everyone shows strength on the outside. Not everyone has access to the sort of strength that people praise. Some people are ridiculously strong and nobody would ever know it.
*inserts sequinned face mask shot for the FIN*
