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Because @KiennaS mentioned that abusers tend to deflect abuse, here's a list of common behaviors displayed by abusers in the #ttrpg industry.
This list isn't exhaustive. No one person does all of these, but many do a bunch of them.
This list isn't exhaustive. No one person does all of these, but many do a bunch of them.
1) They post vulnerable emotional things about mental health or struggles to get people to believe they’re being honest and need support. These posts make others feel like the abuser is a victim and needs support.
2) They play the victim. If anyone denies them what they want or disagrees, they manipulate the narrative to be the victim. If a con won’t let them in because of abuse, the con is harassing them. If a woman calls them out, they’re harassing/stalking them.
3) They make posts about not belonging in the industry and feel like an outsider often. They need validation that they belong. This feeds into the victim mentality. They often bemoan no one valuing their work. They’ll say they’re isolated, not noticed, or not appreciated.
4) They surround themselves with vulnerable people, often marginalized, and groom them to defend them. They mirror the feelings of these vulnerable people to share trauma and deep intimacy to get them as shields against abuse claims.
5) They tend to be edgelord-ish in that they design games with edgy themes. These games often have “darker” tones that cause questionable gameplay.
6) They refuse to take accountability for past issues or behaviors while simultaneously saying they’re growing and changing. One post will talk about how much they’re growing. Another will call out people who they’ve wronged as the baddies.
7) They vague post or sub-post about other industry professionals and members, often raging against them and claiming victimhood in these posts.
8) They are often charismatic and charming, fun people to play games with, who are often in the spotlight during the game and struggle to share that spotlight
9) They bemoan a sense of not belonging anywhere, especially in the industry.
10) They have a deep need of being special and cultivate relationships with people who think they’re talented or special. They’ll talk about their own brilliance in game design a lot.
11) They immediately talk trash or call past working or intimate relationship partners abusers. They refuse to take any blame for past failures on their part and place everything on other parties. They can’t talk like a professional.
12) They ignore boundaries and will push them, but will be sorry afterward or use the lingo enough to make you feel like you were wrong for asserting a boundary. You may walk away confused from conflicts with them or feeling like you did wrong.
13) They disclaim accountability by painting the situation blaming the victim for not speaking up, that they had no way of knowing, and that of course they would have changed. They can't possibly be a "real" abuser. It was an accident someone else could have prevented.
14) They’ll emotion bond rapidly with vulnerable people by sharing trauma very early. This makes people empathetic to them so they believe them later when they start smear campaigns against others.
15) They’ll have a history of bad relationships, both personal and working, and many people will say “yeah, they’re an asshole, but...” about them.
16) Many (but not all) have a habit of drinking to excess at industry spaces.
