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“Punishment is easy, accountability is hard.” — Miriame Kaba
How have we spent our lives (especially this year) punishing ourselves & others? In addition to the role of unresolved trauma, how does punishing ourselves & others become a way to negate real accountability?
How have we spent our lives (especially this year) punishing ourselves & others? In addition to the role of unresolved trauma, how does punishing ourselves & others become a way to negate real accountability?
After punishing ourselves (& others) for communicated & uncommunicated offenses, mismanaged conflict(s) & all manner of violences, we often come to “let me be gentle with myself & forgive myself.” This is necessary but does not nullify accountability to ourselves & others.
It’s easy to exhaust ourselves with punishment. We know how to do it so well. We know how to punish ourselves into isolation. We know how to speak of boundaries like walls. But accountability & boundaries are actually bridges; they help cultivate & maintain healthy connections.
May we cultivate the emotional courage, maturity & discipline to generate healthy connections & start over when necessary (& possible). May our egos & shame not be in the driver’s seat. Be direct. Call the person. Send the email. Write the letter. Don’t subtweet.
Punishment is easier than accountability in part because it doesn’t require that we face our lack of integrity in certain aspects of our lives. We think feeling bad & punishing ourselves (& others) is enough so many of us stop there. That’s not repair & it’s surely not integrous.
What if we thought ourselves & our connections worthy of repair? Worthy of transformation? Worthy of working through our fearful-avoidant tendencies that keep us from direct communication & healing & locked in false awakenings, hero/villain narratives & isolation?
What if we made abolition real in our personal lives & connections through accountability instead of cleaving to punishment so fiercely?
