Read on Twitter
I've been listening to one of his podcasts for some time now. #BeanDad is one of the hosts (his co-host has some of his own Twitter problems, which are also Twitter problems).
I don't detect that #BeanDad is a mean or cruel man. The worst I'd say is he's privileged (as am I).
I don't detect that #BeanDad is a mean or cruel man. The worst I'd say is he's privileged (as am I).
The worst I'd say about the #BeanDad incident itself is it was a parenting mistake. At some point his daughter grew frustrated with the exercise, and he was determined that she'd figure out the can opener for himself perhaps too firmly.
Most parents I know, including my own, will admit (at least in moments of candor) that they too have made parenting mistakes.
"Well fine, Burt! But #BeanDad doubled down on it and defended his action when we, the TwitterMob, called him out for his mistake!"
Guess what, it's human nature to double down in the face of a challenge. You and I do it sometimes too.
Guess what, it's human nature to double down in the face of a challenge. You and I do it sometimes too.
IMHO, the instinct and tendency to double down when challenged - regardless of the merits - is one of the reasons we're politically so divided as a nation. It's one of the psychological mechanisms that gave us good people voting for Donald Trump, an obviously bad man.
So it's no surprise at all that when #BeanDad gets challenged he defends rather than admits. And then we have a feedback loop of everyone in the TwitterMob also doubling down and soon enough there are righteous, indignant calls for #BeanDad to get sent to jail for child abuse.
And, now motivated to seek a "pattern," the TwitterMob mines his social media and apparently found some socially unacceptable language. As with his podcast partner, #BeanDad tried out some jokes in edgy territory, and I take it as true without proof that he crossed an ugly line.
It's on him to apologize for that. Particularly given that he is in a position of some privilege and that he seeks to make a living as a public figure, an entertainer.
It's on us, the public that responds to his offerings, to decide what we will or won't forgive. Maybe I have a deep enough reservoir of good will for him in my kind that offering grace is easy for me in this case; others less familiar with him might not be so inclined. Okay.
Forgive him or not. Double down on your own interpretation of the Seattle Can Opener Incident Of 2021, or not.
Recognize that you have an opportunity to extend grace to someone, or not. Why are you doing that?
Recognize that you have an opportunity to extend grace to someone, or not. Why are you doing that?
Some people may not be worthy of forgiveness for their mistakes. That can be a complex decision. There is surely a balance point between too much forgiveness and not enough. We might call that point "justice" or "equity" or "fairness" even if we disagree on precisely where it is.
I say, without evidence of an ongoing pattern of harmful parenting mistakes or recent repetition of insensitive comments (indicative of failure to grow and learn) #BeanDad ought to get some grace.
Yes, he ought to apologize for his past insensitive comments and vow to do better in the future.
And going six hours without relenting and demonstrating the can opener may well have been a parenting mistake.
Still, the dogpile on #BeanDad is, literally, disgraceful.
And going six hours without relenting and demonstrating the can opener may well have been a parenting mistake.
Still, the dogpile on #BeanDad is, literally, disgraceful.
