As I was hiding and listening to a man shoot through the Capital Gazette newsroom in 2018, I remember thinking, as blood was pouring from a wound on my face, that the president's words had inspired an anti-media fervor that would result in my death.

"Enemy of the people." https://twitter.com/AnthonyQuintano/status/1346963370205970432
I didn't have any other information in the moment, so my brain pulled what it knew. It knew the president's manipulation and contempt for the media was at an all-time high, and that he had made a number of statements demonizing reporters.
The trial has been delayed year after year, so we don't have the full story on why five newspaper workers were killed that day.

But it has always made me sick that instead of finding hope by thinking of the president at such a trying time, I felt that he was the one attacking.
I understand the terror of hiding and finding no solace when thinking of a person who is your leader. It is a huge let down. And I feel horrible for all of the people who may have experienced that today while fearing for their lives against armed intruders.
My fear for reporters around the world, and in our own country, has never been greater than it is today. From going out to report in a pandemic to facing threats of murder like the one above, it is a tough and dangerous job. I don't know if that will change next month, or grow.
I just hope that this isn't the writing that will be on the wall for the next decade or more. I hope things change soon.

I hope everyone stays safe.
You can follow @rachaelpacella.
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