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For anyone struggling with communication in their relationships, esp when one or more partners are #neurodivergent you need to read up on NVC (non-violent communication). I know, I know, weird name. But the practice is super useful. Found a great resource today that I wanted
to share with you here https://positivepsychology.com/non-violent-communication/
and especially this worksheet https://positivepsychology.com/wp-content/uploads/Anger-Exit-and-Re-Entry-Routines-1.pdf that helps you find ways to take a pause when things get heated ( RSD or anger) and re-engage in a useful way
and especially this worksheet https://positivepsychology.com/wp-content/uploads/Anger-Exit-and-Re-Entry-Routines-1.pdf that helps you find ways to take a pause when things get heated ( RSD or anger) and re-engage in a useful way
A core principle of NVC is to use conversations to drill down to actual needs hiding behind the criticism, requests, feedback, or even offers of help. What is or is not a real NEED may take some getting used to, but you'll start to notice the difference pretty quickly
Once you have the needs uncovered you can agree to collaborate on trying to meet them. Without necessarily agreeing the other person needs to be the one to meet the need for you. So you enter the collaborative problem-solving mode. But you need to be calm in order to
think that creatively. So step one is building the trust by actually showing you are interested in hearing each other's true needs. This is time-consuming and can drive our fast ADHD brain to despair, but it REALLY works.
And it's such a great feeling to partner up and solve each other's biggest needs TOGETHER! Another core principle in NVC that I love and that is important, is to never accept any offer of help or accommodation from each other that is not freely given, without
unspoken strings or expectations or hidden resentment or feelings of obligation. Really hard to do, as some people hide their inner feelings well. But it can be a good practice to mention this when accepting a favor- or asking for one- that you only want it on those terms...
Anyway, that is my midnight rant on NVC. Feel free to ask me questions if you have some. Hope it helps some folks. Be well, everyone!
