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Fellow clergy: Don’t weaponize the ideals of unity, healing, & forgiveness in the coming days & weeks.
There can be no unity with abuse, violence, & oppressors b/c postures if dominance inherently deny the worth, equality, & dignity of others.
There can be no unity with abuse, violence, & oppressors b/c postures if dominance inherently deny the worth, equality, & dignity of others.
The path toward any possible genuine healing, forgiveness, & reconciliation must first commit courageously to the hard, personal work of giving full expression to grief.
As clergy we can begin this work by creating safe spaces for expressions of lament.
As clergy we can begin this work by creating safe spaces for expressions of lament.
After grieving, some will be ready to “move on.” A couple of cautions:
- Not everyone will be ready. That’s ok. Grief is highly individualized. Allow everyone to decide for themselves when their done grieving.
- For some, “moving on” will be code for skipping key steps.
- Not everyone will be ready. That’s ok. Grief is highly individualized. Allow everyone to decide for themselves when their done grieving.
- For some, “moving on” will be code for skipping key steps.
The next batch of work to be done is to reckon with the cost of forgiveness (usually we emphasize the const of non-forgiveness).
Am I willing to enter the process of forgiveness? Is it worth the cost?
Again, everyone gets to decide for themselves without judgment.
Am I willing to enter the process of forgiveness? Is it worth the cost?
Again, everyone gets to decide for themselves without judgment.
If people decide to engage in the work of forgiveness, the next step is seeking & speaking what is true.
The stories of the abused and hurt are centered, honored, and protected.
America has a massive problem with truth. That must be reckoned with.
The stories of the abused and hurt are centered, honored, and protected.
America has a massive problem with truth. That must be reckoned with.
This process of exposing & speaking truth opens the door for another often weaponized & yet incredibly important religious ideal: repentance.
Healing for the abused can happen thru grieving & speaking truth. But no reconciliation can occur without repentance by abusers.
Healing for the abused can happen thru grieving & speaking truth. But no reconciliation can occur without repentance by abusers.
At this point, those who are harmed may choose to grant forgiveness.
Maybe.
Again, the agency of those who have been hurt must be respected. Forgiveness is a gift that cannot be coerced through religious guilt.
Maybe.
Again, the agency of those who have been hurt must be respected. Forgiveness is a gift that cannot be coerced through religious guilt.
Even if forgiveness is granted, this process is let complete without establishing new boundaries.
Just because an abused person grants forgiveness (if they do) doesn’t mean old boundaries remain. In most cases, new boundaries must be drawn to protect from further harm.
Just because an abused person grants forgiveness (if they do) doesn’t mean old boundaries remain. In most cases, new boundaries must be drawn to protect from further harm.
Lastly, I’ve outlined this as an interpersonal process, but America badly needs this on a National level: America needs a Truth, Reconciliation, & Justice Commission.
Some religious groups could help with that. But not Evangelicals. They *are* America’s domestic abuser.
Some religious groups could help with that. But not Evangelicals. They *are* America’s domestic abuser.
