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The time I learned I might never speak again.
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2/ In 2010 my migraines got unusually severe. My doctor wasnât overly concerned but ordered an MRI âjust to be safe.â
Her office called the next day.
âThe doctor would like to see you about the test results. Could you come by after work?â
I was genuinely pleased.
Her office called the next day.
âThe doctor would like to see you about the test results. Could you come by after work?â
I was genuinely pleased.
3/ Iâd had migraines since I was 17. Maybe there was an answer!
I arrived at the office & was taken to an exam room. âThe doctor will be right w/ you.â
Then I listened as the staff said their goodbyes. The hallway light shining under the door went dark.
This. Was. Odd.
I arrived at the office & was taken to an exam room. âThe doctor will be right w/ you.â
Then I listened as the staff said their goodbyes. The hallway light shining under the door went dark.
This. Was. Odd.
4/ Something wasnât right.
And just like that my Dr breezed into the room. She was carrying a large textbook.
She dropped it onto the table & flipped it open to an image of a brain.
âSince I had you come in, Iâm sure the news Iâm about to share will come as no surprise...
And just like that my Dr breezed into the room. She was carrying a large textbook.
She dropped it onto the table & flipped it open to an image of a brain.
âSince I had you come in, Iâm sure the news Iâm about to share will come as no surprise...
5/ âYou have a brain tumor.â
(What??!)
She said more but I was in shock.
I remember hearing her ask if I wanted Valium. âSome people find it helps when they get news like thisâ
News like this. News like this.
I remember thinking Wow. This must be serious.
(What??!)
She said more but I was in shock.
I remember hearing her ask if I wanted Valium. âSome people find it helps when they get news like thisâ
News like this. News like this.
I remember thinking Wow. This must be serious.
6/ My mind was reeling. She wants to give me drugs to help me cope w/the news she just shared.
This is bad.
She told me it was her birthday. Something about this not being how she envisioned spending it.
I told her happy birthday. It was surreal. This is bad. This is bad.
This is bad.
She told me it was her birthday. Something about this not being how she envisioned spending it.
I told her happy birthday. It was surreal. This is bad. This is bad.
7/ I donât remember getting in my car. I vaguely remember calling my husband. He was traveling for work & was 3 hours away.
He headed home.
I donât remember what I did until he got there & I didnât lose it until he walked in the door.
We cried all night.
He headed home.
I donât remember what I did until he got there & I didnât lose it until he walked in the door.
We cried all night.
8/ The next 2 months were a blur.
Appointments & consults & informing friends & family.
But there was good news â the neurology team at the Mayo Clinic believed I had a Vagal Schwanomma, a rare, likely benign, but complicated tumor attached to my vagus nerve.
Appointments & consults & informing friends & family.
But there was good news â the neurology team at the Mayo Clinic believed I had a Vagal Schwanomma, a rare, likely benign, but complicated tumor attached to my vagus nerve.
9/ The bad news? The vagus nerve controls your vocal cords (among many vital functions) which of course enables speech but also the ability to swallow without aspirating.
If we left it alone it meant almost certain irreversible damage to the nerve & my ability to speak or eat.
If we left it alone it meant almost certain irreversible damage to the nerve & my ability to speak or eat.
10/ Surgery to remove the tumor meant the nerve would likely still be damaged. In fact the surgeon gave me a 90% chance I would need a feeding tube & at the very least frequent vocal cord procedures to speak or eat/drink.
On top of all this we were trying to have a baby.
On top of all this we were trying to have a baby.
11/ He warned us that hormones produced during any pregnancy would likely cause the tumor to grow. He asked âare you in a career that requires you to communicate a lot?â
I remember wanting to vomit.
We chose surgery. My husband & I walked in silence to the elevator.
I remember wanting to vomit.
We chose surgery. My husband & I walked in silence to the elevator.
12/ And then without warning my legs gave out. The decision was too much.
How would my autistic daughter communicate with me? As her mom I uniquely knew how to get thru to her. How would I continue in PR? I wondered if Iâd still be able to run.
How would my autistic daughter communicate with me? As her mom I uniquely knew how to get thru to her. How would I continue in PR? I wondered if Iâd still be able to run.
13/ And yet, when it came right down to it I felt blessed. For two months I only knew I had a brain tumor. I thought it was a death sentence.
A feeding tube and vocal cord procedures were nothing if it meant I would still be here for my daughter. I could do this.
A feeding tube and vocal cord procedures were nothing if it meant I would still be here for my daughter. I could do this.
14/ The surgery was scheduled for March 10, 2011.
Before we got there I recorded dozens of common mom commands on an iPad. I recorded âI love yousâ. I recorded books on tape so I could still read to my daughter. And my family held a âlast mealâ with all my favorite foods.
Before we got there I recorded dozens of common mom commands on an iPad. I recorded âI love yousâ. I recorded books on tape so I could still read to my daughter. And my family held a âlast mealâ with all my favorite foods.
15/ The surgery was expected to take 8 hours. Close family members came to support me â & to be there for my husband Pat.
We knew the odds were against us when it came to salvaging the nerve enough for me to speak, but as I headed back my dad asked for one thing.
We knew the odds were against us when it came to salvaging the nerve enough for me to speak, but as I headed back my dad asked for one thing.
16/ His birthday was coming up. âWhen I see you next, I want you to wish me a happy birthday.â Then I was off to the operating room.
I woke up hours later.
Family surrounded me. I remembered. âHappy birthday Dadâ I semi whispered/spoke. My family cheered.
I could speak!
I woke up hours later.
Family surrounded me. I remembered. âHappy birthday Dadâ I semi whispered/spoke. My family cheered.
I could speak!
17/ Dr Linke, the incredible surgeon at Mayo, had removed the tumor with limited damage to the nerve.
It wasnât all smooth. It took a few months to fully regain the use of my vocal cords.
And gradually I was able to to eat & drink without choking. Today, I have no issues.
It wasnât all smooth. It took a few months to fully regain the use of my vocal cords.
And gradually I was able to to eat & drink without choking. Today, I have no issues.
18/ Fast forward to last week.
I just got my 10 year MRI. Thereâs been zero regrowth. I donât have to go back for another 5 years.
And I can talk. And I can sing (horribly) and I can yell and I can eat and I can drink and I try to remember to NOT sweat the small stuff.
I just got my 10 year MRI. Thereâs been zero regrowth. I donât have to go back for another 5 years.
And I can talk. And I can sing (horribly) and I can yell and I can eat and I can drink and I try to remember to NOT sweat the small stuff.
19/ And to never forget how blessed I am.
To give presentations. To give interviews. To chat on a podcast. To meet with some of you via Zoom. To read with my kids. To say I love you. Even to fight with my husband
It is ALL a gift.
To give presentations. To give interviews. To chat on a podcast. To meet with some of you via Zoom. To read with my kids. To say I love you. Even to fight with my husband
It is ALL a gift.
