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Almost all the resources around family violence in this country are poured into largely failed attempts to get cis women to leave abusive relationships.
They frame it as living without violence.
2/9
They frame it as living without violence.
2/9
But really, it's about taking yourself out of the abuse.
Because this is what all the money goes into, the narrative becomes victim blaming.
Why didn't she/they leave?
All of this money is, for the most part, wasted.
3/9
Because this is what all the money goes into, the narrative becomes victim blaming.
Why didn't she/they leave?
All of this money is, for the most part, wasted.
3/9
80% of people who use refuge services end up returning to their abusive relationships.
Most people never use refuge services anyway.
And there are countless agencies who are funded and tasked with “stopping violence”.
4/9
Most people never use refuge services anyway.
And there are countless agencies who are funded and tasked with “stopping violence”.
4/9
Mostly they have to talk about engagement, because success seems to be predicated on whether or not the physical abuse ceases.
And as we know, physical abuse is the least, but most visible, part of the power and coercive control mechanisms.
So then.
What of the abusers?
5/9
And as we know, physical abuse is the least, but most visible, part of the power and coercive control mechanisms.
So then.
What of the abusers?
5/9
Some refuge services work with men.
Most of those men are māori and pāsifika, and they are mandated to attend these courses. Pākeha violence is rarely reported.
6/9
Most of those men are māori and pāsifika, and they are mandated to attend these courses. Pākeha violence is rarely reported.
6/9
There are programmes like Gandhi Nivas, here in Akl, who have a 60% success rate - once again that's around the cessation of physical violence and all the men who use that programme are there bc its police mandated.
7/9
7/9
Very few of these programmes work with pākeha men - and that’s statistically, where most of the family violence is happening.
So the solution then is in how we raise our cis boys.
The messages they receive growing up about respect, consent and accountability.
8/9
So the solution then is in how we raise our cis boys.
The messages they receive growing up about respect, consent and accountability.
8/9
How they are taught to handle their emotions, name them, act appropriately on them.
We have a huge problem here in Āotearoa, and its only getting worse.
So maybe it's time we took it back to the basics.
9/9
We have a huge problem here in Āotearoa, and its only getting worse.
So maybe it's time we took it back to the basics.
9/9
