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Kink isn't good or bad based on whether the aesthetics appear "violent" to someone outside of a scene. Someone can be punched, slapped, kicked, choked, pierced, etc from a place of absolute love and adoration because the receiver explicitly requested these things from the giver
It deeply concerns me how many people are more interested in and invested in how things look than in how those things are experienced by the people participating.
A gentle kiss on the cheek can be experienced as far more violating than a punch in the gut if the receiver did not not consent to a kiss but did consent to a punch.
Someone can hold someone's hand in a way that is harassment, that is controlling, that is violent, etc. It is not the act of holding hands itself that is good or bad. Acts alone, stripped down like that, don't have morality. Context is everything.
Like, genuinely, I think a lot of ppl have very little actual investment in harm reduction or material impact of things at all, they just see something that they think is yucky and decide it's bad cuz that feels better than accepting that things that make them uncomfy can be good
Not good for them, obviously, cuz they don't want it. But it can be good, healthy, etc, for someone who does want it. Not everyone is the same, and none of us has any business projecting our own limits or visceral reactions onto people we don't respect enough to listen to
I find PIV sex repulsive and traumatic most of the time but you don't see me going around telling people that doing or desiring that is bad or that they should seek help to stop wanting it
You don't need to understand why someone desires what they desire in order to mind your own business and not assume shit about other people, or try to control what consenting adults do with their bodies
