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The idea that autistic people have difficulty socializing & communicating isn’t true. Our way works just fine. We need to start acknowledging it’s like two different languages. French and Korean speakers have a hard time communicating, but it doesn’t make either language invalid
I was thinking about the communication/social stuff I can’t get and it’s mostly signals of social status and validation and that stuff really is not necessary to communicate. Instead of relying on instinct and subtle signals, we discuss our wants & needs.
For example, I worry that I won’t pick up on when my friend wants me to go home after hanging out at their house, so I ask them to please tell me whenever they want me to leave, and that I will not be upset or take it personally. I’ll be relieved I don’t have to worry or guess.
They trust me, & whenever they feel done socializing for whatever reason, they say, “hey I think I’m ready for alone time.” I will be happy they told me, not take it personally whatsoever bc social interactions have to end sometime, & I’ll go home. That’s successful communication
That would not be a common interaction among neurotypical people - but I don’t think there’s any reasonable argument that it doesn’t work as well, or that either of the people had “trouble communicating.” Everything worked out great.
Far from not understanding social norms, we created one in the moment that worked for both people and both consented to use it, used it, and were satisfied with the outcome. Seems like a stellar understanding of social norms - then made flexible, personalized, and consensual.
Everyone is different and people feel differently at different times and in different situations. We can change that norm next time if we want. Maybe we decide we are both fine with just walking out the door any time. Cool. That’s valid.
The other thing neurotypical people need to realize is that someone not wanting to communicate with you does not mean they have trouble communicating. An autistic having no interest in you or what you’re talking about is not a “difficulty.” Not everyone has to want to talk to you
This communication style might be unusual for neurotypical people - but are we going to pathologize them as having trouble communicating and socializing? No! Different people communicate differently. That should not be a novel idea, at all.
Important postscript - this is also one of the reasons why autistic people should NOT be forced to try to act like neurotypical people. we can never communicate like them. don’t fuck up our confidence, make us doubt our instincts, and steal our opportunity to communicate like us.
