Thread by @inwonhyuks, So idk if anyone is gonna see this but I've been thinking [...]

So idk if anyone is gonna see this but I've been thinking a lot about the way discourse ended up affecting me as a minor and the potential it has to harm others and I wanted to put it into words. If you've been following me for a while you probably are aware of the fact that-

I have quite a few problems with the proship community (especially the one specific to twitter). Despite all my issues with the way things work in here, I do believe the ideas behind proshipping are good and I think what a lot of proshippers want to do is good.

No one deserves to get harrassed over fictional pairings and it's good that proshippers are able to realize that fiction and it's relationship to reality are complicated and should be treated with more nuance (for the most part).

A lot of proshippers are definitely very passionate about fighting against antis and their ideas. I used to be too, fuck, I still kind of am. I think antis are a dangerous community and the fact that they have gotten so much exposure is scary.

However, I still think there's an issue with proshippers focusing on discourse to the point of it getting unhealthy.
I got involved with the discourse when I was 13, and throughout the years I got into a lot of arguments. Fuck, I remember my friends calling me the "drama mutual"-

from how involved I was with the whole thing.
And while what I was trying to do was good, humans are not really made to be exposed to so much negativity all the time.
Constantly seeing takes from antis-

made me develop some horrible intrusive thoughts and it also made me stop enjoying things.
I think a lot of people don't understand that if your only way of interacting with your interests is by arguing about them then you're probably not actually enjoying yourself.

I sure wasn't! All I was thinking about was the stupid shit antis said and how harmful it was, I completely forgot about the things I enjoyed.
I've said this before, but I really believe a lot of proshippers are fucking miserable because they invest so much time into-

emotionally draining discourse.
If you want to interact with discourse that's fine, but PLEASE learn how to do it moderately. Don't fight EVERY single anti you see, most of them won't listen and you won't get anything out of that discussion.

This isn't to say you should never try and talk to them but you know damn well that little shit spamming fancams is not gonna listen to you, so why are you STILL talking to them? They don't care. What you say is meaningless to them.

All you're actually doing is making yourself upset and in some cases, even triggered. So please, if you do want to engage with discourse, learn to pick your fights. It's a lot better to focus on the discussions that you think will be productive.

Not every anti take deserves your attention.
And I especially want to talk about the way this affects minors. Minors in the proship community are sort of an afterthought because a lot of proshippers are adults who want nothing to do with us, and that makes sense.

But as someone who used to be really involved with proship minors (bc yknow, I am one) a lot of them did nothing but fight antis and I want you guys to think about how horrifying it is that teenagers as young as 13 are spending their time getting involved in this-

incredibly toxic discourse. It's fucking sad to me that for a lot of proship minors their only safe spaces are the ones dedicated to debating antis. Again, if your only way of interacting with your interests is by arguing about them you probably are not enjoying yourself-

so much. The discourse left me some really ugly things. First there was the intrusive thoughts and then there was my lack of enjoyment of things I used to love. Then there was this feeling of defeat and loneliness, because seeing antis everywhere made me feel isolated.

It wasn't until a friend told me "Nero, please stop doing this. You're already depressed and this sure isn't helping" and thank god for them, I really needed to hear that.

I started reflecting on why I invested so much time in the discourse and I realized that it mostly came from a desire to prove to myself and others that I wasn't what they said I was.
Realizing I don't owe anyone an explanation was liberating.

So y'know. Maybe some of you should get hobbies outside of discourse. For me that came in the form of kpop and the problematic interests I already had, which I sometimes discuss with my friends.

Just have fun, guys. You don't owe anyone shit. And to the minors: I know it's fucking HARD to find a safe space separate from the discourse because a lot of the spaces we would like to have are for adults but it still isn't impossible.

I've made so many friends who either share my interests or at the very least support my love for them and I often talk about those things with them and it has been really nice. If you can make a nice friend group and together make your own safe space you will feel better.

Just PLEASE, no matter how old you are, please be aware of the effects discourse can have and go do stuff that makes you feel good. Your life doesn't have to revolve around this.

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