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I had a long phone call with a non-Ind person yesterday. They googled me, found my place of employment and called me. They began by launching into their idea for a trust for youth and thought I could help them access community and organizations. Don't do this. A thread.
I want to start by saying that I don't believe they had any malicious intent. In fact, I think they had the best intentions. However, When I tried to tell them that I was not the person to contact, that maybe they should try x, y, z organization, they continued to interrupt me.
They then went on about how they were Indigenous, "not by blood but by heart." I tried to hold a space them while maintaining clear boundaries that just because a person has teachings of Indigenous culture, does not grant them a lived experience or community access.
I was told to be "careful of reverse-discrimination", and then told I was listening with my emotions, rather than taking advantage of this opportunity. They then continued to tell me about their personal struggles. Something valid but not to be held up in comparison.
First off, do not tell me not to be upset. You do not get to talk down to me because you did not get the reaction you wanted. Secondly, the effort it takes on my part to not have this interaction bleed into my other relationships is enormous and I am failing at it.
This is not a competition. Do not hold up the pain and marginalization to another group who has experienced historical oppression as emotional ransom/blackmail for an agenda. You're not gonna make friends that way. Ramming a person with guilt for process is abusive.
At this point we are 35 minutes into this call, in my office, while I'm at work. My patience is running really thin. I am curt, steadfast in my boundary with this person when they start crying. They talk about the loss of parent and teachers.
This person was full of pain. But I am not the vessel in which to pour it, out of nowhere, while at my job because I refused to be an access point to Mi'kmaq youth.
The phone call ended after this person then read me a poem they had written. The content just reified the mystical Indian trope. Even still, I asked them if they were OK and if they needed me to stay on the phone for them for another few minutes.
This is not to be taken as "I'm such a good and patient person" but rather for you to understand that when placed in these positions, many people default to "helper" because they are in such shock that this is actually happening. I nudged the needle on that but just barely.
Here is the outcome of that: This person left the call feeling better (I hope). However, that process weighed on me. I should not have been placed in that position. I snapped at my husband and my colleagues this morning, and I emotionally overflowed onto my friend.
Just because I am in the public eye and someone relates to my words does not grant then unrestricted access to me, my support, and my person. I get the many DMs and emails from many of you folks. I choose to engage with the ones I find I have energy, time, interest for.
If you send me something and I never respond, please re-read this thread. I held a tremendous amount of space for a non-Indigenous person who was upset I wouldn't help them with their plan to "fix" our youth. I then had to go back to work and continue to support my students.
You don't just get to "shoot your shot" at Indigenous public figures. We come with our generational baggage that we are continuously working on in addition to the roles we've taken on. We spread ourselves thin for our community members, not for for white people's guilt.
I take responsibility for folks to criticize and critique the things I say publicly but that does not mean I have to take on peoples pain privately as though I am just waiting around to teach and support with nothing else to do.
Person, if you are reading this. I am upset. I feel violated that this happened at my place of employment. You overstepped. Now I will keep you in my prayers as I smudge, like I promised, but you not get access to me ever again.
