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OK. Look, now that @mtgreenee tweeted out the secret, I'm free to disclose some details about the Jewish Space Laser.
The idea was born in 2012. We had some money from the Soros False Flag Fund left over and the Elders of Zion told our think tank to toss around some small-ball ideas.
The think tank’s been behind a *bunch* of great stuff. Helping Houdini fake his death. Rabbinical action figures. Convincing people that Brussels sprouts are a treat now instead of a loathsome vegetable.
There were a bunch of great Jews in there pitching fun ideas. @JoshMalina. Sandy Koufax. @jodipicoult. Noam Chomsky. @TraceeEllisRoss. One half of Harrison Ford.
Some ideas were too difficult - a giant machine in the Pacific that would control the tides - or too 20th century - inserting subliminal Communist messaging into Cartoon Network shows.
The space laser was something Asimov had pitched in the ‘80s. @maxbrooksauthor dug it up and Zach Braff seconded it.
There was brief debate. There were a bunch of other ideas that would need to be shelved. My personal favorite was a plan to get Carl Reiner onto Mount Rushmore.
We’d been working on a serum that turned every Orangina into something that would make every European want to circumcise their kids - @SachaBaronCohen's brainchild. That was postponed a few years.
It was codenamed "Operation Shatner" and the launch date was the third night of Hannukah, 2016. @kingsthings smashed a bottle of Kedem against the laser and up it went.
The launch was in Crown Heights, we explained the earth-shaking noise to the neighbors by saying it was a Lubavitcher wedding.
It was one small schlep for man, one giant Jewish laser for mankind.
Oh! Also, the laser isn't unmanned. We take turns operating it. It's why Rick Moranis hadn't been seen for a while. He's been one of our best and brightest. So multi-talented.
And finally - I hate to admit this - the wildfire thing was my fault. Rep. Greene is right. It was the laser.
We'd mostly been using the GJL ("Giant Jewish Laser") to play with @JoshRadnor's cats, re-warm babka, and heat Seinfeld's pool...
But I was camping, needed help lighting some Shabbos candles, was out of matches... and I got the co-ordinates wrong. My bad, guys.
I will take eighteen (18) questions
