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CW: Sexual harassment
It’s been less than 48 hours since I’ve been back on social media and already I’ve had to deal with sexual harassment. Originally, I wasn’t going to say anything about this incident.
It’s been less than 48 hours since I’ve been back on social media and already I’ve had to deal with sexual harassment. Originally, I wasn’t going to say anything about this incident.
Then I decided to write a status that would play it off as a joke, settling on some quip that makes light of a deeply upsetting situation. I wanted to laugh it off and to burry my feelings. I wanted to pretend like it didn’t happen.
This past Thursday, I wrote to Ian Sputnik to wish him a happy birthday. It ended with him mentioning sex acts he’d have willingly performed on my body.
The following morning, when confronted with how this comment upset me, he let me know that he had his “silly head on after too many gins.” I removed him as a friend in order to take some space and sit with my feelings about what happened.
He’s since sent me several other non-apologies in which he claims he’s not that kid of guy, was blackout drunk, and that he doesn’t think of me “like that.” He made a point of mentioning that I wasn’t his type and used language which insinuated I was acting petty.
He prefaced his vulgarity by calling me “his goddess” (a term of endearment that deeply unsettled me), said he loved me more than I’ll ever know, and made sure to let me know how much he respected my partner and his wife before describing the sexual acts.
I’m tired of pretending. I’m tired of dismissing this behaviour. But right now, more than anything, I’m angry that I’ve been put in a situation where I have to choose between protecting my privacy and sounding an alarm bell about a predator in the horror writing community.
I’m angry that despite his pattern of questionable actions, sexually suggestive texts, and comments that left me deeply uncomfortable throughout the duration of our friendship, I stayed quiet and excused him.
I’m angry that he’d make inappropriate jokes and I’d reply “haha no no, it’s okay!” to mask my deep discomfort at having to confront him about what he said. I’m tired of normalizing problematic male attention and predatory behaviour. I’m just fucking tired.
There’s something striking about having to talk about sexual harassment at the start of February, which is known to the speculative community as Women in Horror Month. Ian isn’t the first friendship I’ve formed in this collective that’s ended in online harassment.
I’m sure he won’t be the last. I’m writing this to bring attention to the wildly problematic behaviour that most—if not all—women have to endure in this community.
We can do better. And if we’re going to continue celebrating women in horror, we have to.
#womeninhorrormonth #WiHM #harassment #women #imfuckingtired
#womeninhorrormonth #WiHM #harassment #women #imfuckingtired
