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For two years in my life I couldn't speak or read due to neurological problems from ME. I asked to be surrounded by open Bach scores.
I would like to share how I see that now, looking back. 1/8
#pwme
I would like to share how I see that now, looking back. 1/8
#pwme
This was me exploring a problem I hadn't yet solved.
Can I feel fulfilled by being in the world if I can't participate in it?
Wanting these objects near me was a form of self-rescue to avert the feeling that I was disconnected from the world.
2/8 #pwme
Can I feel fulfilled by being in the world if I can't participate in it?
Wanting these objects near me was a form of self-rescue to avert the feeling that I was disconnected from the world.
2/8 #pwme
Looking back, I feel loving about that younger me. I also find my solution funny and a bit embarrassing.
The world felt real to me. And I felt real. But that reality felt to me like it was part of a future which would only come about if I got better.
3/8 #pwme
The world felt real to me. And I felt real. But that reality felt to me like it was part of a future which would only come about if I got better.
3/8 #pwme
Having these objects around me was an attempt, not free from desperation, to bring the future into the now. So that the now would feel real too.
With maturity, I feel very differently about this -
4/8 #pwme
With maturity, I feel very differently about this -
4/8 #pwme
There was a boy who wanted the world to give him things.
But now he has been replaced by a man who feels that it is him who gives things to the world (and receives too).
5/8 #pwme
But now he has been replaced by a man who feels that it is him who gives things to the world (and receives too).
5/8 #pwme
Also, the boy also struggled with the world giving him something he really didn't want.
The boy felt that since he really didn't want what he got, it couldn't be part of his life.
But as a man, I can accept receiving something I didn't ask for.
6/8 #pwme
The boy felt that since he really didn't want what he got, it couldn't be part of his life.
But as a man, I can accept receiving something I didn't ask for.
6/8 #pwme
And now back to participating.
I accept it is a tragic thing when your ability to participate in the world is limited.
But now, unlike before, I feel three things.
First, there is some joy in just being in the world, without participating in it.
7/8 #pwme
I accept it is a tragic thing when your ability to participate in the world is limited.
But now, unlike before, I feel three things.
First, there is some joy in just being in the world, without participating in it.
7/8 #pwme
Second, the difference between being and participating is not completely sharp - to some extent, being can be a form of participating.
Third, even while I have significant health limitations, exactly how they limit me is always an exploration. A kind of dance.
Thank you. 8/8
Third, even while I have significant health limitations, exactly how they limit me is always an exploration. A kind of dance.
Thank you. 8/8
