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3 years ago I got on a plane at Newcastle airport, headed for a new life in the USA, for anyone that’s arsed...here’s why...
In 2013 I was sent to work in Arkansas, USA, for a week to represent my company at their annual shareholders meeting. I met several friends who I then kept in touch with via Facebook when I returned to Gateshead.
In 2017, one of those friends made a trip to the UK to visit London, Edinburgh, Dublin & Belfast. I suggested she get off the train at Newcastle on her way to Edinburgh so we could take the opportunity to meet up. I showed her round Newcastle & ended up driving her to Edinburgh.
She left for Dublin the next day and I never thought I’d see her again. A couple of months later I then went off on a lads trip to Thailand. On my way home, at Schipol Airport I get a phone call. “I’m pregnant”. I was obviously shocked. WTF was I going to do?
I had a decision to make. Do I move to USA to be with my daughter and a woman I’d only met twice in my life, or do I just get on with my life in England and support them from afar. To her credit, she actually gave me that choice!
I knew if I moved to USA, even though we would have a child together I would have to marry her within 90 days to enable me to stay. Stress was an understatement.
But then it dawned on me, I’d had an awful time since 2009 with severe depression and anxiety, I’d struggled through medications that didn’t work and had a really distressing breakup. I thought to myself, “what have I got to lose?”
I took the decision to quit my job at a company that I’d worked for for 24 years, I sold everything I owned and decided to go for it. I’d always wanted kids, and at 44 years old thought the chance had passed me by.
I couldn’t let my daughter grow up fatherless 4,000 miles away. I just couldn’t do it. At that time I wasn’t myself anyway, the depression had fucked me big time. At times I was an angry bitter bloke. I seen this as a chance to change my life.
It was hard to leave my family including elderly parents behind, all of my mates, and my season ticket at #nufc that I’d had since 1989. But in April 2018 I got on the flight to Chicago then to NWA, just me and 6 suitcases.
The first two and a half years here were rough, I was severely homesick (and still am at times), I had to build a relationship with someone I hardly knew, I had to marry her if I wanted to stay. We got married only 46 days after I arrived.
I wasn’t allowed to work for the first 16 months due to residency applications, so I didn’t have the luxuries I had at home. We lived in a tiny rented apartment which made things tense at times with a new born baby, new relationship etc etc. My depression actually got worse.
I felt like I had no connection back to the Newcastle, I missed the Geordie accent, I missed the culture (it’s so different here) and I missed the city life and football (not effing soccer!) craic.
It’s only in the last 6 months where I’ve felt the depression lift, a certain YouTube podcast has massively helped me get that connection to Newcastle back. I started enjoying the job I had here which I initially hated, & we moved into a new place which felt more like a home.
I started to feel like the pre-2009 ‘me’ again, at last!
Looking back, I’m now proud of what I did. I don’t know how many men would’ve done the same, I’d be interested to know tbh. I still massively miss home, and wish my family back home could spend more time with my daughter.
Looking back, I’m now proud of what I did. I don’t know how many men would’ve done the same, I’d be interested to know tbh. I still massively miss home, and wish my family back home could spend more time with my daughter.
But I’ve got a good life now that I could only have dreamed of a few years back. I think I’m a better person now, and I sincerely apologize to anyone who was affected by the old me and my previous actions.
What have a I learned? To take life by the horns, and take every opportunity you’re given, take that risk, it may just be worth it, and if it doesn’t work out, at least you’ve tried, and can have no regrets. M.B 
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